10 Tips For Parenting Our Military Kids

[00:00:00] Alison: Hello, hello, and welcome back to the show. So a little bit of a break for the month of March. I had a leadership course that I went to for a week, and then we took our girls a little vacay for a week. So it has been not been podcasting, but it's been busy around here. We, I've shared. If you guys listen to the show consistently that we are PCSing this summer, we're moving back to Washington state.

[00:00:28] Alison: And that's a lot. PCSing is a lot. We all know this. We're in the military. And doing a full ditty adds another layer on top of that. So the podcast is going to look a little bit different through our PCS. So I have been doing episodes every week and I'm going to back that off to every other week until we get through our PCS season.

[00:00:56] Alison: It's a lot. Podcasting is a lot of work. It's a lot of content. I've done 109 episodes. That's a lot. That's a lot. So I'm going to slow down the pace just a little bit. So you'll be getting content for me going forward for a little while here every other Monday. Okay. So just wanted to put that out there for you.

[00:01:19] Alison: April. is the month of the military child purple up. So I am going to do our episodes this month are going to be all around parenting are beautiful, wonderful, amazing, resilient, phenomenal, fantastic, awesomeness, military kids. Today I'm going to be sharing with you 10 tips for strategies.

[00:01:46] Alison: that parents can use

[00:01:48] Alison: to help us maintain consistency amid our frequent, sometimes relocations and deployments because it's, you know, it can be really hard for it's really hard for us, really hard for our kids too. So top 10 or not top 10, 10. So 10 tips. That's what we're going for today. 10 tips. Okay. So tip number one, and a lot of these are like, I don't know, see sometimes I do the research on this stuff.

[00:02:19] Alison: I'm like, well, duh, doesn't everybody know this? And honestly, the answer is no, not everybody knows that. This is when you. If you dive into like the personal development space or if you're, you know, in the entrepreneurial space and you're like, well, nobody, everybody knows this. Like someone's like, Oh, you should do a product or a business around blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:02:38] Alison: And you're like, but everybody already knows how to do it. No, they don't. Not everybody does know how to do what you know how to do. And so not everybody knows this stuff either. So some of it might be like, yeah, okay, that makes sense. I get it. And some of them might be like, okay, I don't know. Maybe not.

[00:02:51] Alison: That's, yeah, that sounds, it makes sense, right? All of it makes sense. So we're just going to go through the top 10. So these are really coming from parenting experts, which I don't know, you kind of got to put loose looseness around that because you know, I mean everybody's got their opinions and a lot of it is, Strictly that it's their opinions.

[00:03:15] Alison: It's not necessarily the science. I prefer to follow the science than opinion. So you just kind of got to take some of that stuff with a grain of salt and there's, you know, if you really dive into parenting topics and groups and things like that on, on social media, Facebook and Instagram and whatnot, there's a lot of stuff out there that can just make you feel like.

[00:03:35] Alison: You're the worst parent on the entire planet, right? So you kind of have to measure that stuff like is, Hey, is this giving me information that's actionable for me? Is this giving me information that and you know, tools and tactics and tips and things that I can use to help navigate, parenting my children, or is this making me feel bad about myself?

[00:03:57] Alison: And if the answer is it's making you feel bad about yourself, then you need to unfollow. and find something else because we have enough, we have enough on our plates. And honestly, I did hear this. There's a podcast I started listening to. I need to, I need to look up. It's a parenting one that was recommended.

[00:04:15] Alison: And I listened to an episode the other day and they were actually talking about this specific podcast. specific topic of all of the parenting advice that's so prolific online and how a lot of it's a bunch of crap and it just, you know, that you have to do this, you have to do that. If you don't do this, then you're a terrible parent.

[00:04:30] Alison: If you're doing this and you're a terrible parent and it's just like all this crap that's like, no, no, no, no, no. And, and really at the end of the day was, you know, your kids better than anybody else does. And I mean that like period stop, full stop, right? You know, your kids better than anybody else does.

[00:04:45] Alison: And so, you know, what's going to work for your kids and what's not going to work for your kids. And so if someone, if you, if a parenting recommendation is, you know, you need to do this or you're going to mess up your kids, but it doesn't seem like that's the right thing for your kid, it's not the right thing for your kid.

[00:04:59] Alison: You really got to follow your gut on that stuff. So anywho, okay. So on that note, I think there's going to be a lot of tangents today. I'm going to try and. Try and keep it to a minimum but tip number one is established routines and This one to me was like well, yeah, duh. I mean, I don't know for me It was you know, since my kids have been little because that's one of the big things that they tell you when your kids are really little routine, right?

[00:05:26] Alison: It's the, they, that, that expectation of what's going to happen really helps give your kids that stability and that comfort and know what to expect is where, where if you're kind of going willy nilly and all over the place, It can be hard on your kids to navigate through that. And you might have kids that are like, well, let's go with the flow.

[00:05:47] Alison: Everything's fine. I do not have those children. And I think part of that is the way I've raised them. I've always been. I call myself an over communicator where it's, you know, this is what we're doing. This is the, these are the expectations. This is what's going to happen. And we continue to do that. And, and especially my oldest daughter, cause she is like my little mini me.

[00:06:11] Alison: She's like, what's the plan? What's happening? What's going on? Like, she wants to know front to back, step by step what's happening. So, you know, it just, again, providing that, you know, stability, predictability for kids, especially younger kids. But I think older kids thrive in that as well. Just really kind of, and especially trying to maintain as much of that as you can through transitions of a deployment or a PCS, Hey, we're still going to do the same thing.

[00:06:35] Alison: We're still gonna, You know this is our morning routine. We get up, we do this, we have breakfast, duh, duh, duh, we go do blah, blah, blah, whatever that case might be in the evenings. Okay, we have this you know, screen time, time, and then we have homework time, and then we have dinner and we sit down together and then bedtime we do this, this, you know what I'm saying?

[00:06:52] Alison: Like you just, even so, so even through, even though we might be in a different house than we were before, we're still doing the same stuff. And that just kind of gives that grounding sense that that we need and especially that our kids do when we're in these times of transition like PCSing and deployments.

[00:07:09] Alison: The tip number two is to communicate openly. And I think that this one can be a little bit of a double edged sword. Because our lifestyle is so what's the right word? Random? Subject to change. So like, for example, if you're, if you have been notified by your significant other, your spouse's command that they're going to be leaving on a deployment in the next three to six months, Do you tell your kids right then that that's coming down the line?

[00:07:51] Alison: Maybe not. You know, maybe we wait till we have orders. We know exactly when they're going to go and what it's going to look like in the length of time. So maybe a little bit of a delay in the sharing of information could be prudent. As far as like, you know, if you're going to PCS again, I feel like this is one of those situations where you know, your kids better than anybody else does.

[00:08:13] Alison: And so, is telling your kids something at the last minute? Like they're, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, maybe the school of thought is, I'm going to let my kids, I know we're going to PCS this summer and we know where we're going to go now, but you know what, I'm going to let my kids finish their school year because they're going to finish their school year in May and we're not going to be moving until July.

[00:08:34] Alison: I'm not going to tell them until school's out that we're moving the following that we're moving that summer, right? Maybe that's a tactic because you don't want to stress your kid out through the school year. You know, that could be, if that, if that works for your kids, then that's what you should do. For, for my kids, I don't know.

[00:08:51] Alison: I don't hide stuff well. I don't like, I don't, I don't want to say hide. That's not the right word, right word to say. We're just very open as a family and we talk about all the things. Michael and I are having conversations that they hear. Every word you say, right. Might think they're not listening, but they always are. 

[00:09:09] Alison: And so we're having conversations about moving and what's gonna happen. And so our kids have known since we've known, Hey, we just found out this is where we're going. Or, and, and even leading up to it, Hey, we know that we're, you know, we're up for orders this summer, so we might be, we don't know where we're gonna go.

[00:09:25] Alison: It could be blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever the case might be. But it, it might, again, for your kids, it might not. You might want to wait later before you tell them. But and then, and then one of the other things that I wanted to add into this section two on communicating openly is that so we had Chelsea on, I can't remember what episode that was.

[00:09:47] Alison: I think it was last year during the month of the military trial during April. And she grew up as a military kid, so she's all grown up now with her own family. And one of the things that she said would have really helped her as a kid when her dad was leaving on deployments and whatnot, was explaining to her that so, okay, so we kind of talked about the PCS part.

[00:10:14] Alison: So now we're kind of talking about the deployment aspect of open communicating with your kids, right? So if you're, if your spouse is going to be leaving on a deployment again, the timing of that is up to you. I honestly would wait until you have firm plans, right? This is they're supposed to go on.

[00:10:31] Alison: Obviously things are going to flux could flux a little bit here and there, but like, okay, we're supposed to be going on this day. Share that with your kids. And then, but one of the things that she said would have been helpful for her was understanding. what her dad's job was, what his role was, and that he was incredibly well trained for the job that he was doing and that he was going to be safe because he's the best at what he does, right?

[00:10:57] Alison: That that would have given her some comfort. So I feel like that's maybe something to consider in communicating with your kids, especially about deployments. You know, there's a lot of, of, of things that we can't share with our kids, right? OPSEC. You there's a lot of stuff that you can't share because kids don't always under, they don't understand OPSEC.

[00:11:19] Alison: It's like, Oh, my daddy's going to wherever she do have to be careful with that stuff. But I think, you know, there's things that you can small details, right? That you can't share with them. But I think the overall goal, right? Like, well mommy or daddy are going, over to this area of the world and this is loosely what they're going to be doing.

[00:11:38] Alison: And you know, you know how mommy or daddy has been going on all these trainings and they've been spending a lot of time away. Well, they're making sure that they're really ready to do this job over there so that everybody stays safe and everybody comes home. So they're, they're like the, but they're the best at what they do.

[00:11:54] Alison: Right. And just kind of giving that giving that affirmation to them that, you know, our parents that are going off on deployments are the best trained fighting forces in the world and are going to do everything that they can to keep themselves safe. So that's kind of one of those things again, how old is your kid?

[00:12:15] Alison: Cause if you've got really, really small kids, that's kind of a whole different bag on how you share that. Okay. Number three is create familiar spaces. So I feel like this kind of leans more towards the PCSing, the relocation aspect of it. And it's essentially, you know setting up familiar spaces in your new home to help your kids feel at ease, familiar items, favorite toys, bedding photos, you know, different things like that.

[00:12:46] Alison: I've talked about this before, what happens, what tends to happen in our homes. And, and, and of course it looks different because every house is a little bit different. Okay. But like my office area looks exactly the same. The, the bookshelf, the books on the shelf are in the same order. The binders are in the same order.

[00:13:11] Alison: The boxes are in the same order. It's just in a different state at that time, but everything else looks the same. Similar in our living room. We've got this furniture and that furniture and this furniture, the pictures that we have in the living room are always the same. They might be arranged in a different way because the configuration of the room is different.

[00:13:27] Alison: But those are always pretty similar. And then in our kids spaces and their rooms, we've kind of always given them that ownership to, you know, do what they would like to do, how they would like their room to be. And that's going to be interesting on this next move. I'll stand by, I'll let you know how it goes.

[00:13:43] Alison: But our girls are going to be 11 and 12 this move. And so typically I've gone in and unpacked everything before. Cause so one of my big PCS tips is send your kids to their grandparents or to a family while you move, especially if you're going to diddy. So then you can just get it done efficiently, quickly and efficiently, and not have to worry about your kids.

[00:14:06] Alison: So the past two, no, yes, the past two moves that we've had the girls have gone to grandma and we have moved and had the house set up before the girls come back. So the girls come to our new house and everything's already done. But I feel like now that they're 11 and 12, they're going to want to have a little bit more ownership of what their rooms look like and where things go and things like that.

[00:14:28] Alison: So, but just having those familiar spaces. Tip number four is stay connected. So this is more leaning towards again, the deployment side of parenting our military kids. And I know that it is incredibly challenging in some situations for regular communication with deployed parents, but some ways to mitigate that.

[00:14:51] Alison: So a lot of times, you know what you're walking into, right? You know, okay, we're going to have limited comms, or I should be able to. Do a face call video, you know, a video call a couple of times a week, whatever the case might be, you're going to have a pretty good heads up heading into it. You can kind of make that plan.

[00:15:11] Alison: If you are going into a situation where you are going to have very limited ability to communicate with your, with your family, if you're the deployed member, maybe you write letters ahead of time. So then you can build into back home. Okay. It's Wednesday. We're going to open a letter from mommy or daddy today, or what, however, however you want to do it.

[00:15:33] Alison: But so letters, emails, phone calls, video chats, all of that stuff. Okay. And then giving your giving and encouraging your kids to share their experiences and feelings, right? With the absent parent, how is that? And that's that one's that one's hard. Cause I see both sides of that one. I feel like, you know, you want your spouse to feel connected and you want your kids to be able to express themselves.

[00:16:05] Alison: But at the same time, if your kid just absolutely loses it and is crying and bawling and I want you to come home, that's going to make your significant other feel like crap and it's going to be really hard. It's going to, I feel like it's going to make it harder for them on the other end. So I think maybe there's a balance of that part of maybe, maybe a workaround to that could be okay, when we talk to, to mommy or daddy, we're going to talk about whatever you want.

[00:16:34] Alison: I mean, you know, You're gonna talk to them, but if we're having big feelings about mommy or daddy being gone We've got this notebook or we've got whatever You can maybe have a recorder if they aren't writing well and okay, we're gonna, we're gonna put it all here and then we can send it to mommy or daddy or I can write it all in this journal and then I can share it with mommy or daddy when they come home.

[00:16:59] Alison: Could be a way to kind of work around that if your kid's having a really hard time of kind of bringing, bringing that up every time they have a conversation because that can just be really hard. Number five is involve your children in planning. So that can be for planning process for moves or for deployments when appropriate, obviously, right?

[00:17:21] Alison: If you've got really small kids, they're really not going to be involved in that too much. Although when we moved from, when we moved from Florida to Washington state, the girls were, young. How old were they? Savannah just finished kindergarten. Sophia hadn't even started kindergarten. So that's pretty young.

[00:17:41] Alison: It's like five and six. I think they were so pretty young, but we decided that we were gonna, you know we wanted to try and see some friends and family. As we were coming, we were going to drive, we were going to road trip across the country. We were going to take a couple of weeks. We're going to go stop and see people.

[00:17:56] Alison: And we asked the girls, Hey, we're going to go here. Would you like to do this? We're going to go to here. Would you like to, you know, and, and what are some things that you'd like to do? And of course, five and six coming from Florida, they want to go to the pool. So we, so we're kind of building that stuff in, but like, you know, as your kids get older, And you're gonna go through a pc s you know, maybe you talk to your kids about what they would like in a school.

[00:18:23] Alison: Like are there are, you know, our kids are getting into the, into middle school now, and so they have options to pick electives and things like that. So you wanna go to a school that maybe has a sign language program, or you wanna select a school that has a later start time, or. considerations in that way.

[00:18:43] Alison: Maybe it's sports. Maybe your kids are really into sports and, Hey, I'd rather go to this school than that school because of you know, the different activities that they might offer clubs that they might offer. So you can give them some kind of onus and, and helping to make decisions. And again, You know, I mean, it might be at the end of the day, well, this is close to mommy or daddy's work and this is what we can do.

[00:19:05] Alison: So this is kind of, this is, this is what we have to do. And that's the case sometimes. Right. But just kind of, you know, that's a way that you can involve them and just let them feel like they have a voice. more control, right? Because I feel like as, as adults, and this is me speaking personally, is that one of the hardest parts of being a military family is our lack of control, right?

[00:19:30] Alison: We, we don't know when we're going, when we're going all the things, right? And so if there are small parts of that process that you can control, I want to be able to control it. So I'm sure that our kids feel a little bit of that as well. All right, number six is utilize support networks. So this can be other military families, friends, neighbors different community resources that you might have during your transition.

[00:20:01] Alison: So, for example, the school liaison officer, as you are coming into your gaining command different you can, Use the different resources that they have on base and like fleet and family services or the family veteran readiness centers and things like that on, on different bases that can help with different parts of the transition process.

[00:20:28] Alison: And then, you know, you can seek out support groups or counseling services. If your kids are having a really hard time with the, you know, there's a lot of challenges with military life. It's not, it is hard. And I think that. We as a society, I think we've gotten a lot better should really be okay with having a counselor, right?

[00:20:49] Alison: Being able to talk to somebody openly and having that safe space to be able to share and feel like they're heard. And and just having that outlet, I think is really important and, and There's a lot of resources. Military OneSource is a great one to go to. If you have younger kids though, so Military OneSource cannot give sessions or provide for kids that are 13 or younger.

[00:21:14] Alison: So if your kids are 13 or younger, you're going to have to go through you don't necessarily have to go through TRICARE. I We, I just found one that accepted TRICARE. I did my own Googling and it's been seamless. We've had no issues whatsoever. So it's definitely gotten a lot easier to seek mental, emotional support for yourself and for your kids.

[00:21:36] Alison: So highly encourage you to do that as well. And again, and get ahead of that stuff, right? Like if you can tell. Like your kid might not be having a crisis or not be in a crisis or you might not be in a crisis, but you can feel it, right? Like it's building, it's coming. Like try to get ahead of that stuff.

[00:21:51] Alison: If you're starting to feel like, Oh my gosh, I'm, I feel like I'm really overwhelmed and all of these things are happening. And I just like, it's, it's affecting other areas of my life. You know, that's a good time to go and find someone to help. Okay. Number seven is maintain consistent discipline. So I think That one's hard.

[00:22:16] Alison: That one's hard. And, and I think that the, the, probably the best way to navigate that one is to just maintain what you've already been doing, but understanding that You know, your kids are in unique situations and you're in a unique situation. If you've got a deployed service member, there's a lot of stuff that can come up for your kids that have them acting out and doing things that they don't normally do.

[00:22:40] Alison: And navigating that as a parent is a very personal thing. And again, you have to trust your gut and do what you think is best. But I think having those, I think really the main focus is like, Is this? The rules are the same, right? You don't speak to me this way. You are responsible for your, you know, the same things that you, you have to put the dishes away.

[00:23:03] Alison: You're responsible. These are your chores around the house. You're still responsible for that stuff. We're still only doing one hour of screen time a day. We're still only, you know what I'm saying? Like those parameters are all still the same. Giving again, flex and latitude for, are. You know, there's going to be times when your kids are not going to handle the transition.

[00:23:21] Alison: Well, whether it be a deployment or whether it be a relocation, a PCS, you don't handle parts of it. Well, we have to give our kids grace that they aren't going to handle it well either, and not expect them to, you know, have no issues through the entire process. When you yourself have issues through the entire process, I think that's important to keep that, that perspective of.

[00:23:43] Alison: You know, you, we have to allow grace to, for it to be a crappy situation, you know, and, and that doesn't mean that you get to, you know, be abusive or speak in a way that you're not supposed to, to a grownup and things like that. But I think we just have to allow grace in that space, but still, again, trying to maintain some consistency with the rules and the expectations.

[00:24:08] Alison: Okay. Number eight, celebrate traditions and milestones. So this is really for a more towards the deployment aspect of military life. And I mean, also through deployment or I'm sorry, through relocations like PCSing and stuff as well. But and, and, and some of that is just finding a creative way to commemorate, you know, holidays or birthdays or special occasions or whatever.

[00:24:37] Alison: And, and just being open to sometimes it might be virtual. Sometimes it might be a little bit different. If you've gone Oconus, it's, you know, not every holiday that we celebrate here in the U S is celebrated. overseas and maybe there's other things that you can other holidays, other traditions that you can embrace.

[00:24:57] Alison: But also keeping in mind what you normally do. So like if you're, thing for Easter is we're going to go have an Easter basket, you know, scavenger hunt through the house. We're going to hide eggs in the backyard and we're going to do that. Well, it doesn't matter where you live. You still do those things, right?

[00:25:13] Alison: It's just kind of the, and again, I feel like, duh, I don't, like, yeah, of course we're gonna still do what we do for Christmas, but maybe that's, maybe you're like, no, we just moved. I'm not doing any of this stuff. And, and, and again, You do you boo. I mean if that's what you're you need or your family needs gosh, I remember one of my best friends her husband was tragically killed and That Christmas she was like, I just can't I can't do it.

[00:25:43] Alison: I can't do it and her daughter was eight And so it was hard it was really hard But she's like I can't I just I don't I don't have the capacity to be able to do this And again, there's times and you're where it's gonna be that way. And again, that's You You, you need to do what's best for you and for your family and not let anybody else put pressure on you of what you should or shouldn't do.

[00:26:04] Alison: But just keeping in mind that for our kids. that preservation of this is what we do on this holiday. This is how we celebrate these birthdays, special occasions, whatever. We can still do those things. And again, speaking to the deployment part of it, can we have a video call while we, while, you know, the kids are looking for their Easter baskets and mommy and daddy aren't here.

[00:26:25] Alison: Maybe we can walk around with a video and then send them that video, you know, different kinds of things like that to keep them involved in those different celebrations. Okay. Number nine, we're almost there. Number nine is focus on quality time. I think that spending time together as a family where you are not in front of a screen is becoming increasingly rare.

[00:26:53] Alison: And I personally feel like, we've really gone the other way with it. So we are not, we don't allow phones at the dinner table. There's no electronics, TV's not on in the background. Like we sit down to dinner and talk to each other eyeball to eyeball. , thinking about, again, eyeball to eyeball, not a screen, not a screen eyeball to eyeball.

[00:27:22] Alison: But I was at an event and we were with some other military spouses and we were talking about the challenge of Trying to spend one on one time with each one of your kids. And I know, I don't know how it is in your family, but in our family, our girls ask for that all the time. And it is something that we just, it's just so easy to forget about like, Oh, we want, cause we want to spend time together as a family.

[00:27:52] Alison: And I feel like that time is limited. And so then if you take even that time and break it down into, okay, one parent, one kid, And then if you, if you've got more than a couple of kids, then that makes it even more challenging, right? And so this this spouse shared that she, her kids are a little, they're in their teens.

[00:28:13] Alison: And so one of the things that she does with one of her kids is they watch a show together. Like this is their show and they sit down and watch this show together and that's kind of their bonding time. I mean, that's, that's great. I think if, if you can spend that time with your kids, you know, fantastic.

[00:28:29] Alison: Other things to think about too, or, you know, maybe we, so we always walk our dogs. So on the weekends we walk our dogs as a family. You know, different things like that. Can we go game nights, maybe you know, different things, different activities and things that you can have that strengthen that family connection to each other whenever possible.

[00:28:52] Alison: And then the last one, tip number 10 is to practice self care. And this one is hard again, because when you're in the throes of a deployment or a PCS, a lot of times we shift to straight up survival mode, right? Like everybody's fed, Nobody's bleeding and every, okay, we're all alive. That's a win for today, right?

[00:29:23] Alison: That is legit. How it is some of the time that's totally fine. But I think the emphasis here when we're talking about parenting our military kids to keep in mind is that if you as the parent are really struggling, right, that's going to bleed over into our kids. And, and, and there's a part of that that's not fair, right?

[00:29:46] Alison: Especially we've talked about this on the show before, where. I've greatly resented many times that I am the emotional barometer for our house. So if mommy's in a bad mood, then Samantha and Sophia are also going to be in a bad mood and daddy's probably not going to be super happy either. And it's like, come on, can I not be in a bad mood and be the only one in a bad mood?

[00:30:09] Alison: Or if I'm in a bad mood, then everybody else is in a bad mood too. And it's all my fault. Right? Like, ah, that happens. But. just being mindful of those things. And again, when you're in a PCS and employment, there are times of it that is just straight up sucks and it is what it is and get through it the best that you can, but trying to be aware of, and maybe this is some work to do prior to a deployment prior to a PCS.

[00:30:37] Alison: What are the things that fill your cup? What are the things that make you happy? What are the things that build you up? What are the things that you like to do? And then remind yourself of those things when you're in these really crappy situations and prioritizing that. And I know that can be really hard, especially if you're talking about deployments when you are now single parenting and a lot of situations.

[00:31:01] Alison: How am I supposed to do this, this, this, this, this, when I am a single parent to these four really small kids. Right. And I think that's a space where we need to really open ourselves up to asking for help. Right. And maybe that's, Joining a gym that has childcare so you can drop your kids off somewhere and who cares if you go get a workout, go sit in a freaking lounge chair somewhere for an hour and read a book while your kids are in the daycare at the, at the gym, right?

[00:31:31] Alison: Like whatever it takes, whatever it takes utilizing the CDC on base. And again, I know their wait lists are crazy long, but I, you know, if they've got drop in time that you can use, if you're living in housing, maybe there's some other moms that you guys can organize kind of like a play group kind of thing where, Hey, all the kids are going to come to my house for an hour, you know, once a week and you're going to alternate houses.

[00:31:58] Alison: So then each mom gets an hour or two to themselves, you know, just little things like that. It can be done, but you really have to think about it and put some effort into it. And it is worth it because again, your kids are going to model what they see. And so we want to try to be presenting, ah, gosh, I don't want to say it that way.

[00:32:20] Alison: Cause that sounds terrible. That's that's how much pressure on you. But they really are like how you handle things is Your kids see that and they're going to model that behavior. And, and, and that's not saying that you have to be perfect all the time. You can blow up, you can lose your cool. You cannot handle a situation the way that you want to.

[00:32:41] Alison: And that's still a teachable moment for your kids. Right? So do you remember what that, how that happened over there? Did you see mommy completely lose my cool? Yeah, it happens. It happens to adults too. And. This is what was going on. And, and, and I, you know, I feel really bad that I lost my temper, but this is kind of what was happening.

[00:32:59] Alison: And again, you might need some space to be able to have that, but those are moments you can teach your kids about too. I'm really stressed. This is really hard and this is why, and I'm, you know, I'm trying to work through it the best that I can. That's. That's legit for our kids too. They need to see that stuff.

[00:33:14] Alison: They need, they need to see us struggling as well, right? Because they learn from that. They're watching how you cope and how you deal with things and what happens if you completely lose your cool and whatever, okay, you lose your cool and then you apologize if an apology needs to happen and you know, you, you move on and you try to set yourself up.

[00:33:32] Alison: It's a conversation, right? Cause we're, we want to raise,

[00:33:36] Alison: we're trying to raise. Compassionate and loving humans, right? And I think part of that is having compassion for ourselves and not always handling things well. Okay. All right. So those were our 10 tips for parenting military kids through deployments and frequent relocations. Okay. Woo. So that's today's episode.

[00:34:01] Alison: I am hoping. I haven't gotten there yet. Instagram has not been my friend lately. I don't know what's happening, but it's not working for me. Is it not working for you either? Is it just me? I don't know. But I am hoping to have some conversations with some other military spouses about parenting kids through deployment and through PCSs and sharing some stories and tips and tricks and things like that, and just having real life conversations.

[00:34:28] Alison: So that's coming down the line here for the rest of the month. And I hope you have an awesome day and I'll talk to you soon.