79: Allow me to reintroduce myself.....

[00:00:00] Alison: Hello. Hello. Welcome to the show today. I wanted to take a second. Have you heard it's a Jay-Z song? I think allow me to reintroduce myself, dude. Oh, it's, I hear it when I'm working out a lot. I can't remember what the song is, but anyways, I thought I would take a moment to reintroduce myself. We are closing in on 80 episodes, which is absolutely bananas.

[00:00:27] Alison: No, no. January will be two years of doing the podcast. Every single week. It's a lot. Woo. It's a lot. So I thought that today I would take a moment and reintroduce myself, who am I? Why did I start this podcast? What am I gonna do for you? Why do you wanna listen? That's what we're gonna get into today. So, hello, my name's Allison and I am a 22.

[00:00:56] Alison: 22. No, I lied. 21. I am a 21 year. Mill spouse, veteran. My husband is active duty Navy. We have two daughters. They are 10 and 11. I gosh. When they, you know, they switch over ages and it takes you a while to get back into how old they are. They're 10 and 11. We have moved eight times, eight times so far.

[00:01:22] Alison: My husband and I have known each other our entire lives and when we, first started dating, he was he was active duty, but he was getting out and so. He got out right before we started dating when I was in high school actually.

[00:01:43] Alison: And I was getting ready to, I was going to college. He was getting out and he was also going to college. We both went to college in South Carolina. I went to Coastal Carolina University. He went to college at Charleston. And We, so, so that was it. So we went through our college careers. He graduated a couple of years before I did because he already had some previous credit work.

[00:02:06] Alison: So I had to do all four years. I majored majored in biology, minored in marine science and psychology. And I was gonna be a dolphin trainer. I had wanted to be a dolphin trainer since I was in middle school, and everybody told me it's not gonna happen. And you're not gonna make any money, which is true.

[00:02:25] Alison: And you need to pick something else, not gonna happen. And I said, you know what? Watch me. And I did it. I did it. I I graduated from school. I worked for free. I. A lot. And was finally hired after doing an internship with the Navy Marine Mammal Program. And I worked with the Navy Marine Mammal program for almost 10 years as a dolphin trainer, trained dolphins and sea lions both.

[00:02:52] Alison: It was amazing. It was everything that I wanted it to be. It worked out with our military career. So as Michael graduated from college, he kind of floundered around a little, went to grad school. Got his butt kicked, did flopped around a little bit, and finally decided to go back into the military. And so he went back into the military right as I was graduating from college.

[00:03:19] Alison: So my indoctrination into mill spouse life was. We got married in July and we eloped and didn't tell our family. I'm sure that there are multiple military families that have that same story. So we got married in July. He left two days before my birthday in October to go on deploy. Oh, so he reported to the ship and the day after he reported to the ship, it left on deployment.

[00:03:45] Alison: So two days before my birthday. I fly out to San Diego with him and he leaves on deployment. I get back on a plane, fly back to San, to South Carolina to finish school, graduate from school in December, and then drive me and my dog out to San Diego. Live in a hotel for a week, find an apartment, do all the things.

[00:04:06] Alison: So it was really trial by fire. I had no idea what was going on. I was very, very lucky that he was on a he was on a frigate, he was on a small boat, and so it had a very, very tight. Crew had a very tight ward room and I was I had met some great friends on that boat. I was very, very, very lucky that that was my first experience because I did not have that experience again.

[00:04:29] Alison: And any of the, the other three boats that we were on was not my experience. So so there was that. So I went there and then I was able to because the Marine Mammal program is stationed or is the, the main center is in San Diego. So I was there and then Michael got orders to Jacksonville and I was able to stay with the program and work at the Sub Basic at Kings Bay and then went back to San Diego again.

[00:04:55] Alison: So I was able to stay with my job even though we moved twice during that time. So that was really great. And then coming on nine years, we'd been trying to start a family. Had a really hard time with getting pregnant with our girls, and then I finally got pregnant. And he got orders to Monterey from Michael to go to postgraduate school.

[00:05:15] Alison: So I was gonna have to leave the program. So I left my job as a trainer, which honestly I was ready for at the time. There was a lot of political stuff, just, just wasn't a great place for me. I loved what I did, but just the the personnel stuff was really, really challenging for me. So I was ready to go and I'd always wanted to stay home with my kids.

[00:05:36] Alison: So had Savannah. 14 months later had Sophia. That was, that was not planned, but we thought, you know, it took, so it, we had to try so hard to get pregnant with Savannah. We're, we're not gonna worry about it. And sure enough, here she comes. So we had two very close together postgraduate school, and then we went to DC did two years in DC short tour there, or got short cycled out of there.

[00:06:01] Alison: Went to Cape Canaveral in Florida. Was there for two years, got short, cycled outta there, went all the way across the country to Washington State. We finally got to stay there for three years, so that was great. That was a really hard tour for Michael. His hours were crazy, but he was doing a job that he really liked, so that was great.

[00:06:18] Alison: And now we are here in. Colorado and we have been here for two years. We are supposed to rotate in summer of 24. Still in standby mode for that. We don't know where we're gonna go yet. It's one of two places, probably either, well, I don't know. We don't know. We don't know where we're gonna go. The, the list is small, but we still, we still don't have an Aus, we're in that limbo space, which is really challenging.

[00:06:42] Alison: So that's kind of my history. That's. My military life, what it's looked like for us career-wise. Again, you know, I did the, the, the navy thing for you know, it was a dolphin trainer, sea lion trainer for for almost 10 years, and then had the girls. Was in the throes of, I've got two under two for, you know, obviously two years.

[00:07:02] Alison: Hello. So, and then as you know, the girls are starting to get a little bit older. Sophia was like, she was she, nine months when we moved to DC and I was starting to get that itch. I like, you know, I, I love my girls and it's a lot to have both of them and we had just moved and, but I felt like I needed something else for myself.

[00:07:21] Alison: So, I was really trying to get back into shape obvi, you know, after having kids. That's kind of one of our primary focuses that we go to. So I joined an mlm, I joined Beachbody. I was a Beachbody coach for, for quite a while, for four or five years, I think. Didn't really. Do wasn't very successful as a coach in building a business.

[00:07:41] Alison: No, I don't think I wasn't successful as a coach. It's not very good building the business. But love the products, love the programs and it really taught me a lot and kind of put me on that trajectory into the fitness space. So I was a Beachbody coach for a while, as I started to do more programs and, and get you know, get fit and lose weight and all this other stuff.

[00:08:00] Alison: I, I really. Liked it a lot. So I got certified to teach cycling. That was my first one. And then I got certified to teach yoga and then kickboxing and, and it just kind of snowballed from there. So fitness really became a big thing for me and, and I thought, you know, hey, this is a career that could be good in the military lifestyle, right?

[00:08:23] Alison: We. We move around all the time. There's gyms everywhere, there's fitness everywhere. Like this'll be, this is, I think this could be a good thing for me to have. So, and it was, at the beginning, it was fine. I, I really didn't care how much I got paid. I just wanted someone, I just wanted to teach. Right. I was still learning.

[00:08:38] Alison: I still, you know, was trying to build my experience, whatever, but then, The problem is, is that as you get more experience, and as you, you, you know, you gain the, the hours and the certifications and all of these things, and then you move to a new location and you know your options are the why, where they pay like $15 an hour and it's just, oh, it's been, that part has been hard.

[00:09:04] Alison: But anyway, so. So fitness has been huge for me. When we got stationed in Washington State, it really exploded. I found an amazing facility that I actually got hired to teach yoga for them. And then they decided to rebrand and they became a Performance facility. So they completely changed everything that they did.

[00:09:31] Alison: They moved locations and they were like, we wanna bring you along. And I'm like, I don't know how to do any of this stuff. They're like, we'll teach you. And they did. And I got, I got certified to teach T R X. There, I became a pain-free performance specialist mobile. Functional range conditioning, mobility specialists and all.

[00:09:49] Alison: I just, I learned so much and the facility was amazing and the, the our community and the member, it was fantastic. I loved it and I knew that it was gonna be really hard to leave that, and it was, it was really hard. So we were there for three years. I was with AF for almost. That entire time. And then we moved here to Colorado and I couldn't find any facilities that were like that.

[00:10:18] Alison: It was, you know, the rec center or you know, the big box gyms, which are very specific and things that they wanna program and, and how they train. And I, I just, I am, the more experience you have, the harder it is to. Just go up and stand in front of a class and just like go through the motions. Like I, I'm used to being able to like, I'm gonna watch you move, like I'm gonna fix your squat.

[00:10:45] Alison: I'm gonna help you reposition your leg so that your lunge is, is right and, oh, your shoulder hurts. Let me show you something you can do to fit. I, that's how I wanna coach. That's how I do coach. And so big box places just don't work for me. So I, and then, you know, backing up, I'm, I'm trying to, I'm trying not to be too wordy, but I'm, I'm trying to explain or go into where the podcast came from cuz the, the podcast started the year, the year we moved to Colorado.

[00:11:15] Alison: And so the transition for me job-wise, from having a great facility that I taught, you know, multiple days a week at, in, in Washington to Colorado where I can't find anything, so I'm not working. And then when we got orders here we, it was all, everything was gonna fall in line and then of course at the last minute they're like, oh man, so we actually can't have you report until January.

[00:11:46] Alison: And we were slated to leave in July. So But the schools here in Colorado start in August at the beginning of August. And I'm like, we've, we've gotta, I'm not moving my kids in the middle of the year for school. So we made, made the decision at that point for the girls and I to come to Colorado and Michael to stay in Washington and finish his tour.

[00:12:14] Alison: So we moved to Colorado, the girls and I, Michael comes initially, he's here for two weeks while we get, get everything. And we did our first Diddy move. We did a full Diddy from Washington State to Colorado and it actually went. Real. It's hard. I mean, moving's hard, regardless of if the military moves you or you do a Diddy.

[00:12:38] Alison: It was still hard. But we will full Diddy from now on, I've done lots of episodes on moving and I'm sure I'll continue to, to do more just because it's such a big part of our lifestyle. Right. But anyway, so, so he was here for two weeks, then he went back to Washington State. And I'm here and it's the middle of the summer.

[00:12:58] Alison: The, you know, we got here the first week in July and or the last week in June, I think. Yeah, I think it was the last week in June, like right at the end of June, beginning of July. So I'm here, the girls come, they're not in school, and it's just me and them and Michael leaves, and I'm like, we, I don't know anybody here.

[00:13:19] Alison: I don't know the area. I don't have a job. There's no like PTA to join at school. And I was like, this freaking sucks. And then as I'm in. You know, 20 years of, of this business, it gets harder. I feel like it gets harder the longer you're in it. You just, you get tired. Like initially you can get on board with, it's an adventure and I'm excited and what's gonna happen next.

[00:13:45] Alison: And, and we still try to do that here. And, you know, we make a bucket list of where we're gonna go next, what do we have to look forward to? And we did all those things. But they're still like, you know, you just, I had a moment too where, and I, and I'm sure you guys can relate to this, where I was like, if something happens to us, like if I get in a car accident or something, I, there's nobody.

[00:14:13] Alison: There's nobody here. I mean, I could, I could call my family in Marilyn. I could call Michael and Wa and someone would be here eventually. But like right now, like there's nobody, I don't know anybody. I don't know my neighbors. We just got here. I don't know anybody. And it is, and it's that isolation and that loneliness that is so, so hard.

[00:14:34] Alison: It's so hard. And so I thought to myself, I'm like, man, there's gotta be a, a better way like. This is, this is brutal. Like there's, there's gotta be a way of every time I move, I don't have to find the randomly named Facebook group that if you don't know the specific name, like you can search, you know mom's groups, Denver or wherever the little city that you're in.

[00:15:02] Alison: And you might find something, but you're, you might not like the two moms groups that I'm in now, in the city that we're in. Someone had to tell me what they were. I didn't know. I couldn't find them. When I searched on Facebook, it's the same thing I feel like for spouses groups. So it's not easy to get into the community.

[00:15:21] Alison: So it's, I feel like there's, it's not easy to get in the, into the community, number one. And then number two. Is when you've been doing it a long time, you get tired, right? And put on top of that, I'm, you would think I'm an extrovert because I have this show, but I'm in my office by myself talking to you.

[00:15:42] Alison: I'm very introverted. I'm a homebody. I like to be home. I don't like to go out. And so it's really hard for me to build that new community. And so I'm sitting here. And I'm just like, this sucks. There's gotta be a better way. And I start Googling and I'm like, is there? And I don't remember how I got, I've always listened to podcasts.

[00:16:03] Alison: Not like hugely prolifically, but I, I have listened to podcasts since I became a Beachbody coach. Cuz one of the, one of the great things I took from being a Beachbody coach is the personal development aspect of it, right? Is, is if you wanna change your body, you've gotta change your mind. You gotta change what's going on between your ears, otherwise the body's not gonna follow.

[00:16:21] Alison: Right. So so I've really gotten into personal development and that's where I got into podcasts. And so I, I'm not really sure where I was like, Hey, I think I should start a podcast, but I googled I couldn't find any military spouse podcasts. And that's another thing that we've talked about before I've talked about on the show before as well, is that.

[00:16:39] Alison: They're there, there's a lot of military spouse podcasts actually. But I couldn't find them, so that's a problem. I feel like there, the, there's, there's so many, there are so many resources for military spouses and military families and groups that you can join and all the different aspects, like people that have all the.

[00:17:00] Alison: The information and tools and tips and tricks and whatnot on moving and on reintegration and on military marriage and on, you know, they're there. Like there's, but it's getting that information out to us so that we can have it, like as I've done this show again, we're closing it on 80 episodes, which is bananas.

[00:17:20] Alison: I have talked to so many interesting people and heard about so many things that I'm like, wow. That would've been really good to know 10 years ago as I was in this career. Right? So that's where the show started from. The show started from a pain point for me, which was I'm tired of starting over with with my community, with my friends, and and really struggling with the job part of it, right?

[00:17:46] Alison: For myself. So so that's kind of where the show grew from, and I wanted to do, I wanted to share resources with you guys with Different organizations and things that I found I really wanted to focus on talking to other military spouses who have a career that's working in their military life because again, we, this the statistic, it's like what half of military spouses are unemployed and are, and would love to have a job, but we, but it's just so hard, whether it be with finding something that works with your schedule, because inevitably we are the default parent, right?

[00:18:25] Alison: So I've talked, again, I've talked about this on the show all the time. The job that we have here Michael is t d y all the time. I mean, he's gone. Two, sometimes three weeks, and sometimes it's less. Sometimes it's only one, or sometimes he's home for the whole month. But usually he's gone for two to three weeks out of every month.

[00:18:43] Alison: And it is really hard when I've got, I gotta get the girls to school, I gotta get 'em home, I gotta get 'em to their activities, take care of the house. We've got dogs, like all the things. And then, and then, And I need to be available if the girls get sick, if school randomly, they don't have school on this day or that day or whatever, I'm it like, I need to be available to get them and to take care of them.

[00:19:08] Alison: So that really limits what I can do for a job. And I know that there's a lot of military spouses that are in the same boat and it's just so hard to To manage your own career while you're, while you're the default parent. It's, it's really, really challenging and I know that people do it. I've talked to people that do it and, you know, kudos to you guys.

[00:19:32] Alison: But it's just, it's, you know, it, that's, that's a problem. So, anyway, so I've spent a lot of time talking to other military spouses. What kind of jobs do you have? What did your career look like? What pivots have you made to just kind of paint the picture? You know? So you guys, as the listeners can be like, oh man, oh, she did this and then she did this, this, she, I really wanna do that too.

[00:19:51] Alison: This is how she went about it. I just think that that's kind of cool and then, Again, different opportunities that are there. And what I've found is that, and, and I think that this is one of the blessings from Covid, is there's so many remote opportunities now, and honestly, the spouses that are, seem to be the happiest in their, in their career and their family and navigating their military lives.

[00:20:18] Alison: They're remote. Their jobs are remote, and I think that that's, I mean, it just makes sense, right? You gotta move all over the place. Like if you can do your job from anywhere, that's honestly, that was part of why I became a Beachbody coach, is it's like I can, that's why MLMs, right? I think that's why MLMs are so popular with military spouses, because that's the big sell, right?

[00:20:38] Alison: You can do it from anywhere. So anyhow. So that's, that, that's why I started the show, and that's been my focus is how, you know, showing other military spouse careers what they've done and just sharing resources that I find and that I have and my experience. Right. I, I, I titled the show, the Unspoken Life of the Military Life.

[00:21:02] Alison: Oh, whoops. The unspoken life of the military wife, which I actually think a little rebrand is coming down the line. So standby for that. But was, because I feel like there's so many parts of. Our lifestyle that are really freaking hard, and I don't want it to be a woe is me, and let's just whine and complain about all the things.

[00:21:28] Alison: That's, that's not my intention and that's not what, what I want it to be. But at the same time, I feel like we need to talk about it. We need to talk about it. We need to talk about what is hard for us. We need to talk about Just the struggles that we have because they're there and I think that there's, there is a lot of.

[00:21:52] Alison: I think it helps to hear other people struggling with you, right? Like I'm not, oh, okay. So I'm not the only one whose spouse got randomly pulled and kept back, and I had to move completely by myself. Okay. I'm not the only one that that's happened to. I'm not the, you know, like we're in this together and that's kind of what I wanted to build.

[00:22:12] Alison: And then, Let's talk about it. Let's talk about the crappy things I've shared with you guys multiple times. We've really struggled this last year with my oldest and struggling with separation anxiety. When and when Michael is gone. She is just a basket case and and it's really hard. It's really hard on me because again, I'm the default parent.

[00:22:35] Alison: I'm the one that's here. I'm the one that is dealing with all of it. And and that's really hard. It takes an emotional toll. I know it's hard for her cuz I'm watching her go through it, but it's hard for me too, right? We don't wanna see our kids hurting, we don't wanna see them struggling. Like we want them to just, you know, be living their best lives all the time, which is not realistic.

[00:22:55] Alison: I understand. But that's what we want. Right? That's what my mama heart wants. And and it's, and it's really hard and it's, it's, it's very there's just a lot of pressure I feel like on us. And I feel like we, I just, I feel like we need to talk about it and we need to normalize it. So I, I do do that as well, but what I like to do is, you know, let's talk about it and yeah, this sucks and this is really hard, but we're not gonna sit in it, right?

[00:23:22] Alison: Like, okay, let's talk about it. And then what can we do to move on and what can we do to help ourselves? That's, that's where I like to go with the show. So let's talk about those hard things cuz they're there. But then let's figure out how, you know, how can we navigate through to the other side? And because it, our lifestyle is not gonna change, right?

[00:23:43] Alison: We, I don't have a choice. This is it. He's gotta go on this trip, he's gotta be in this place for this event and whatever. And I'm here and I gotta handle it. And I just gotta, you know, suck it up buttercup and let's go. So we gotta figure out how we can. How we can survive this this lifestyle and just making it as, you know I don't wanna say as easy as possible, but just, you know, how can we, how can we make it easier on ourselves and, and what do we have to plug into that can help us when we are struggling?

[00:24:21] Alison: So there's that part of it. And then my intention when I initially started the show is I wanted to create a community outside of the podcast. Like I'm, I'm still gonna do the podcast for you guys, but I wanted to create a community and, and I'm still flushing it out of, of. Where we can get together and it would be virtual on either Zoom or another like membership kind of platform thing where we can get together and video chat with each other, right?

[00:24:57] Alison: Like let's, let's have these groups a couple of times, like, you know, once a week or every other week or something like that. And, And you just kind of get in these little cohorts and we have people that are in the same boat that we are. There are other military spouses and we can commiserate and we can, oh, I did this and I did that.

[00:25:14] Alison: Or, and just be a listening ear. Right? I want it to be a place of, of no drama. Like this is the no drama club, so we're not coming in to to gossip and to all that other stuff. It is. A place where for you to be, for you to be heard and for you to just be able to share like what you're going through. And other people are there to be a listening ear for you.

[00:25:40] Alison: Right. Because I feel like, and I know there's a lot of male military spouses too, and I love you guys, but women especially, we a lot of times like, and this is something we're, I'm gonna do an episode on this at some other point, but A lot of times our husbands bless their little arts, they wanna fix everything, right?

[00:26:03] Alison: And there's a lot of times where we just wanna vent. You just wanna get it out. I don't want you to fix it for me. Don't fix it for me. Just listen. And so I wanna create that space for us where you have that. Okay, you got 10 minutes. Go. What's on your heart? What do you need to, what do you need to vent about?

[00:26:22] Alison: What do you need to, to get off your chest? Do you have an issue that you're asking for advice on? Then we're gonna be specific about that. I would love your feedback on this, right? That's what I want it to be. And, and the, and the idea behind it is that, We're gonna create this awesome group of, of military spouses where we get together and we connect, and then I am gonna move to Washington, DC next year and it doesn't matter.

[00:26:52] Alison: I still have these same people and the other people in the group can move to, you know Japan or can move to California and it doesn't matter. You still have the same group of people. So I wanna eliminate the having to start over, start your social circle over every time you move. And of course, when you move to a new duty station, you're still gonna find, you know, want people that you can.

[00:27:18] Alison: You know, maybe go out with or have like a gym buddy or things like that, right? Other moms or dads or whatever, that you can have play dates with your kids or whatever the case might be, but you still have. This core group of people that will go with you wherever you go, that you can tap out into, , at least a couple of times a month, right?

[00:27:42] Alison: Or every week. I'm not sure what the, what the tempo is of that, but that's what I want. That is what I want to build, because honestly, I feel like that has been the hardest part for me is that it's just feeling so alone so often. Right. And. And Michael's gone, and the kids, and you know, I joined the PTA and I do, and I have these things, but they're, I'm still by myself so much.

[00:28:08] Alison: And then you get put in the, in the spot where it's like, okay, well we're leaving next summer. How much do I wanna invest? In making local friends when, you know, like I, I feel like we just are in this awkward spot where like, oh, I just got here. Okay, so I'm, I'm trying to, I'm feeling it out, whatever. And then you kind of settle in for a little bit and then whoa.

[00:28:29] Alison: Time to go. And then you get into that. Okay, well, I'm on my way out. I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not putting down roots here. So it's, it's, that's what I want to, that's what I want to take out with this community. So that is still something that I really wanna do. I just haven't figured out the best way to do it yet.

[00:28:49] Alison: So. That's it. That's my reintroduction. I hope it wasn't too long. I haven't looked at the Oh, 30 minutes. Okay, that's enough. Talking about that. So that's me. That's why I started the show. That is my intention for you guys. I, I am, I'm not really great on social media. I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you.

[00:29:09] Alison: I do have an Instagram account for the show. I, if I do show up, it is on Instagram. I'm just not very consistent. I don't love social media but the male spouse podcast. On Instagram, you can always email me at the Mill Spouse Podcast. Do you see where the rebrand might be coming as? Everything that I have is the Mill Spouse podcast.

[00:29:31] Alison: And then I also have a website for the show, which is also. The Male Spouse podcast. So you, I would love for you to to connect with me to reach out and let me know if there's things that you want to see coming, that you want more information about. I can tell you that there is gonna be a I'm gonna do an a series on.

[00:29:53] Alison: Homeschooling, I, there is actually a podcast for militaries, for military families that homeschool. So I'm gonna, that's coming. What else is coming? I don't know. There's, I have to look at my list, but so I definitely do have some more content ideas for you guys, but I would love for you. To tell me what you want, tell me what you want to hear.

[00:30:17] Alison: Do you like the solo episodes? Do you prefer interviews? Do you want to hear about more people's careers? Like, reach out to me and please let me know what you wanna hear so that I can give you the content that you want. All right, that's enough talking for today. I appreciate you being here. I'll talk to you again soon.