How can we be more intentional with our time even through tough military and family seasons with retired mil spouse Lissa

[00:00:00] Alison: Today we are talking to Alyssa. And Alyssa. We have had on the show previously you came on to tell us about the organization, fight or Die Fight, O a r D which is the Talisker whiskey race across the Atlantic. That. Your husband is gonna be a part of.

[00:00:19] Alison: So that was real and we were just chatting about that before we hit record too, about the buildup to that. And they're getting ready and the get the boat ready and all the logistics that go around that. So, That's gonna be super fun to continue to follow. But anyways so Alyssa is a, her is retired now out of the military, but you were, gosh, you were a military.

[00:00:40] Alison: How, how long were you in the mil your husband was in for like, over 

[00:00:44] Lissa: 20 years? My right husband. For 27 years. Yes. Yeah, yeah. So 

[00:00:48] Alison: you, okay. So, you know, you know where we're all at. And then you have a really cool, okay, so I'm, I'm just, I'm sorry. I'm gonna let you introduce yourself. So welcome to the show, Alyssa.

[00:00:59] Alison: Thank you. Thank you. And so tell us a little bit about you and what your kind of journey has looked like through your military life and now afterwards and what you're doing now. Yeah, well I like to refer to myself as household six cuz I don't have like an official rank here in our household, but yet Right.

[00:01:19] Lissa: I've definitely played a role right over 27 years. So my husband served for 27 years and he's now retired. And like you said, he's rowing the Atlantic Ocean with three other Army veterans to help raise awareness around mental health. For veterans mm-hmm. And suicide prevention. So yeah, they're getting in a boat and rowing 3000 miles.

[00:01:39] Lissa: It's, it's so crazy. And yeah, a lot of people are jumping on board to help support, so we're, you know, definitely go check out what we're doing with all of that, but, mm-hmm. Now I feel like I almost like circling back to the beginning because I have two boys who are also serving active duty. So, you know, I get to do the mom side of it now and kind of mm-hmm.

[00:01:59] Lissa: Mentor. My almost daughter-in-law who's married mm-hmm. My oldest son in a couple of weeks. Mm-hmm. You know, and just walk her through that and like Yeah. You know, the days of the TDYs and the deployments and mm-hmm. The trainings. Mm-hmm. The, I think this is what's happening. Oh, wait, now we've got a different plan.

[00:02:15] Lissa: Oh, orders changed. Oh. This date got pushed. Oh yeah. Or there's 

[00:02:19] Alison: no funding. Right. That's our current situation. There's no funding. What are you gonna do? Okay. 

[00:02:25] Lissa: Yeah. Yeah. And so then you're sitting and waiting and you know, and just trying to, you know, keep life going when you don't feel like you really have control.

[00:02:32] Lissa: And that's really how it felt. You know, whether my husband was, , at home or whether he was deployed or, , somewhere else doing trainings or things like that. Like I was household six. I was doing all the things, you know, and yeah. Life was not my own and I felt like I didn't have control and I felt like I was just reacting to whatever came next.

[00:02:51] Lissa: I was like that, you know how their boat's gonna be out in the middle of the ocean, right? Like, here comes the wave and shoot, I get pushed this way and here comes the next wave and you know. Mm-hmm. And really was just overwhelmed and exhausted because Yeah. You know, to keep it in that in that, That theme, you're just rowing and rowing and rowing and it feels like, I can't see.

[00:03:08] Lissa: Sure. I don't really know where, where I'm headed. And so what was happening for me was, I was, , I was of course physically , affected, but mentally and, and just who I was, I felt like I was showing up on the outside, but I wasn't really fully present. I was like, treading.

[00:03:24] Lissa: Right. Just kind of trying to keep my head above and, and I remember feeling like, I remember actually, I can remember my husband was deployed. I remember being on the stairs with my youngest daughter on my hip, feeling like, I can't do this anymore like this, because I just keep dropping balls and something has to change, you know?

[00:03:40] Lissa: Cause as I looked around, It was affecting every area of my life. It was affecting my faith, my relationships, my work. Mm-hmm. My parenting, my wellness, my home ultimately. Ultimately my joy. And you know, and really it was like I was, I was living in default mode. So, And it was that day standing on my stairs with my daughter on my hip and my husband, you know, I can't remember at the time if you know where he was, but mm-hmm.

[00:04:05] Lissa: That I was just like, something's got to change. I want to be intentional and I wanna live by design instead. Mm-hmm. And that's when I decided like, I am no longer gonna let the military be my excuse for why I can't or why I don't do something. Okay. Right. Like mm-hmm. You know, because again, there are plenty of other military spouses who've done amazing, great things while being in the military.

[00:04:28] Lissa: Right. Like, I think what we, it's true say is our reason why not mm-hmm. Could very well just be turned around to be a reason why, why? Yes. You know? Mm-hmm. It's really about that perspective. Mm-hmm. You know, and that's started getting intentional about. Creating space for what matters deliberately removing things that, things that distract and really focusing on where is my time going?

[00:04:50] Lissa: And is it because it goes so fast, right? Mm-hmm. Like, oh my goodness. Mm-hmm. Summer is like almost to an end already, right? Mm-hmm. And we never feel like we have enough time. And we never feel like we get around to the things that we said we wanted to. And so like, I just didn't wanna stay in that place anymore.

[00:05:05] Lissa: And so that's like really my heart is just to come alongside other busy women who feel like they're just treading water and say, okay, let's take a breath. Throw a little, like, you know wrapped out there and let's, you know, let's look at our time and not just let it. Take over, but let's be in control of where it's going and, and what, who and what is getting our attention.

[00:05:27] Alison: Yeah. Okay. So I, I can imagine that I've been in that spot before too, where it's like, okay, I. My husband's not deploying anymore, but he goes t d y right? Multiple times a month. And it's and, and, and having that just overwhelm of like, oh my gosh, like here we are, we're doing this again. And I think you're right.

[00:05:46] Alison: I think, you know, we need to be honest with ourselves in that. We do. Maybe if you take it a, a look back at it, do we use being a military spouse, having this military lifestyle as an excuse to kind of hold ourselves back a little bit? I think that's an interesting question to ask yourself. And so then, so then if you're, if you're that, if you're that person, right, you're like, holy cow, I don't even know I, this is just, I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels.

[00:06:12] Alison: I don't wanna live my life like this. What was that first step that you took that was like, okay, I've gotta change something. Like, what's that first? What's the first step? What do you do? What's that first thing? Yeah, yeah. 

[00:06:23] Lissa: Well, honestly, and this is gonna seem so simple and almost like, well, yeah, but it's being aware.

[00:06:29] Lissa: I really think that first step was me and finally admitting like, I'm not okay being like this, and I don't want this to keep going like this. Mm-hmm. Right? Cause what happens is that we have so many expectations and obligations on us, right? Mm-hmm. We have all these different roles that we play, right?

[00:06:44] Lissa: Yeah. Whether it's in, you know, we're a wife, we're a mom, you know, with our family, with our friends, with our community, with our, you know, if we work, if we homeschool, if we, you know, are raising kids, like yeah. What the military, you know, is, is is putting on there, there's so many demands that are being put on us, right?

[00:07:03] Lissa: Yeah. Or that we're feeling are on us. And then I feel like we live in a time and age that there are so many distractions. Yeah. Right. And like, you know, I mean there are beautiful things about having technology and all of mm-hmm. You know, the things that go along with it and having accessibility and, you know, I remember when my husband would deploy way back in the beginning.

[00:07:20] Lissa: Right. We would have to like plan the phone call, like, you know, weeks ahead and hope that he was gonna be able to get a satellite phone at that time. Right. And then by the end of his, Career. We were like, you know, chatting all the time. I, I can talk to my sons every day when they're in different places, depending on what they're doing, of course.

[00:07:37] Lissa: Right. But Right, right, right. But anyway, we have all these distractions though, because we have this device, it's like always within arms reach. Mm-hmm. Right. Like, let's be honest, we are constantly like interrupted all day long. And the truth is we all still have 24 hours in a day. Yeah, so saying I don't have enough time, just like, you know, I'm in the military or I'm a military spouse, is really, I think, an excuse.

[00:07:59] Lissa: And I think it's, yeah, it's just us not wanting to admit or, or really, you know, Be aware of the fact that yeah, maybe our time is not going where we want it to, and that may have something to do with us. So yeah, that's the first thing, right, is seeing like where we are and recognizing I don't get anymore.

[00:08:19] Lissa: No matter how much I would love an extra hour in my day, it's never gonna happen. And this is, unless you 

[00:08:24] Alison: make it. Right. Unless you, unless you find the time that's being 

[00:08:27] Lissa: wasted and redirect it towards something that you want, right? Yeah. Yes. But that's within your 24, right? You don't ever get 25. That's true.

[00:08:33] Lissa: You know people. Hundred percent. If I had an extra hour on my day, guess what? You do the same thing with it. You'd still feel like you didn't have enough time. So get over. Yeah, that's true. True. Yeah. We have, so I think that's the first thing, right? And you know, and really like, okay, so if time is a gift and it's not renewable, how am I stewarding it?

[00:08:52] Lissa: Right. So that I think is the first step is, is really having an awareness around it. Mm-hmm. And then I think from there, like again, you're gonna feel this tug, you're gonna feel this like pull between what, what I say matters and what's really getting my attention. Mm-hmm. And so I think that's the next step then is like mm-hmm.

[00:09:10] Lissa: Like sitting in that tension and not like ignoring it. But leaning into it and saying, okay, so what really matters what needs my attention? Mm-hmm. And when I have like looked at like our life and I, as I work with, with women inside my programs and coaching, and on my podcast we talk about eight key areas of attention.

[00:09:29] Lissa: Okay. So eight key areas are your faith walk, your family relationships, which includes your marriage, your parenting. If you have, you know, 18 parents and you know, extended family, you know, so a lot falls under that. Our friendships. Which often take a back burner, right? Mm-hmm. When everything else is happening, our worker service.

[00:09:46] Lissa: So whether that's paid or unpaid, what we're doing mm-hmm. Our stewardship, you know, finances and time. Mm-hmm. Our wellness, our passions, and our dwelling. And here's the thing. If we don't give those things attention one day, they will demand our attention and it will always cost more time, money, energy, all the things down the road, right?

[00:10:07] Lissa: Mm-hmm. Like think about your wellness, right? Mm-hmm. If you're not taking care of your body, And, you know, physically, mentally, emotionally, all areas, you will eventually feel the effects of that and so will everyone around you, right? Right. Mm-hmm. The thing of it is, is we don't often stop to say, okay, what really matters.

[00:10:24] Lissa: Mm-hmm. And if, you know, eight areas is a lot, and so what I tell essentially, you know, like when we're getting started is pick one. Pick one. What is one area you want to give some focus attention to? And let give yourself permission. Not that you're gonna do nothing about those other areas, but that this one is gonna get.

[00:10:41] Lissa: Core focus. And here's what's so cool, when you start really, you know, being intentional in one area, it has a ripple effect in all those other areas. Mm-hmm. And so you start seeing those, those changes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So sitting in that tension, so first step, first step is acknowledging I'm not where I wanna be in, I don't like this.

[00:10:59] Lissa: Mm-hmm. And then sitting in that scene, okay, but what would I really like? Yeah. In fact, The, the, the, the next step is to actually look at your calendar, to look at your time. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell, I, I can share with you a way to do that, but I'm gonna, even before I do that, cuz I know that your listeners, they're like, I don't got time.

[00:11:19] Lissa: You know? Yeah. As an military spouse. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:11:28] Lissa: So when we feel like we don't have the time, here's where we have to look at our time because we do have time. And like you said earlier, it's about where it's going. And so I love to help women like actually do an audit of their time.

[00:11:41] Lissa: And there's a really simple way to do it, especially for a woman who's listening right now and she's like, I'm just so busy. So this would be like the fastest, simplest way to do it is to, mm-hmm. Is to fill in the blanks. Of this question. Okay. I spend too much time blank and not enough time blank. Like, really?

[00:12:00] Lissa: Like, you know, like, and don't overthink it, you know, or whatever. Like, just what is it that you're like, yeah, you know what? I know I spend too much time on this and not enough time on this. And then not staying in that place of like, now I feel bad because that's not gonna help you serve anyone. Mm-hmm.

[00:12:15] Lissa: But just saying, okay, so what's one thing I can do right now that's gonna move me in the right direction? And just get that ball rolling, start just taking baby steps towards what you want your time to go towards, you know, and then there's so many, you know, other things that you can do to go keep that going and keep that, build that momentum.

[00:12:33] Lissa: But that, I would say is like, the simplest way to do it is like, what do I already know? Too much time is going towards and not enough time is going towards. 

[00:12:42] Alison: Yeah. And and honestly I think that one of, one of the best kind of nuggets that comes out of that is, or even just is just the awareness, right?

[00:12:53] Alison: Is like, yeah, holy cow, I check my email like 30 times a day. Why, why, why? Yeah. Is that necessary or it's just something that I am innately doing. I'm just doing it. Like, do I really, I think that there's so much power, and just even if you don't, I. You know, take pen to paper and write down, okay, this is what I'm doing every day.

[00:13:14] Alison: If you just become a little bit more aware of where you're spending your time, I, that can be very eye-opening in and of itself. And I even find myself catching myself now where I'm like, oh. Do I really need to pick up my phone? But we you are so right cuz I'm with you. I'm old school. We've been, my husband and I have been married for, it'll be 21 years next month.

[00:13:35] Alison: And we were letters, like when he was deployed at the beginning Yeah, it was like pen to paper, like that was it. There were snow, you might, you if they pulled into a port and he was lucky enough to get a card, then you could get a phone call. But otherwise, yeah, like you were getting like snail mail.

[00:13:50] Alison: Right. So we definitely have just come a long way for sure. But I remember those days, but I just, I think that having that awareness of how much, and, and then it's, and some people might enjoy that, right? But like, is that where you wanna spend your time? I don't wanna spend my time on my phone, but I have to be very intentional with myself and say, I don't need that right now.

[00:14:12] Alison: And I think that cuz like if you sit back and watch, this is like disturbing to me to do. But like if you go where we've gotten as a society, I feel like if you walk in anywhere I. And you stand in a line, how many people immediately take out their smartphone and start scrolling somewhere? Right? Like nobody, nobody can just be anymore.

[00:14:35] Alison: Like, it's like if there's any silence or a rolling conversation or anything, it's like, where's the phone? And it's like that. If, just be aware of that is like mind boggling. It's, it's quite honestly, it really does bother me a lot. Like we have a hard rule in our house that there are no food, no phones or electronics allowed at the table.

[00:14:55] Alison: Because I can't tell again, and you know, you, I don't wanna be judgy. Everybody's got their own thing, but like, you ha how you can't, I don't know if you have that distraction of your phone, like you're not having that. Contact with people and that eyeball to eyeball and like, I see you and I'm listening to what you're saying.

[00:15:14] Alison: You know, like it's, yes. I think there's, there's so much power in in that and I think we lose it with the amount of time that we're spending on technology, which is not so good. Okay. So then what do you think the, what do you think the, the kind of, the key is to finding that time when your husband is all over the place and, oh, now you got a PCs, oh, that just got changed and now you gotta go here.

[00:15:42] Alison: And then we got, oh, and then somebody got sick on in our family and I've gotta go visit. Like how, when you have all these things that you're kind of juggling and throwing in the air, how do you take back that control and and feel like you have some sense of. Control over, you know, over these situations that change all the time.

[00:16:02] Lissa: Yeah, I mean, that's a great question. Right? You know, the million dollar question is how do we do that and right. As, as I think about it, as I look back at even my experience and then just, you know, the many conversations I've had with other women, whether they're military spouses or, you know, just living life in a really sure busy and distracting world, let's be honest.

[00:16:20] Lissa: It's, it's happening everywhere. Oh yeah. You know, like it's really about what we value, you know? And if I were to, you know, if, if I were to ask you what you value, right? And you were to tell me what those things were, there are two places I could go to verify that I could look at your bank account. Right?

[00:16:37] Lissa: Mm-hmm. Maybe your Amazon account, right? Like where is the money going? Mm-hmm. And I can look at your cal, I can look at your calendar. Where is your time going? And, and here's what I found. So I'm assuming a lot of your listeners are probably moms. Mm-hmm. Or maybe one day will be mm-hmm. Before you have your first baby.

[00:16:55] Lissa: I am pretty sure that no one was sitting around twiddling her thumbs thinking, oh my goodness, I should bring something into my life that will consume 24 7 for the next 18 to 21 years into, you know, like, you know, but what happens when that baby is placed in your arms? You make time for it, right? Why?

[00:17:13] Lissa: Because that baby is. Has value to you, right? Mm-hmm. And so, yes, you are willing, you find the time, right? Mm-hmm. When already you were feeling like you had no time before, but you know, so really it comes down to identifying what really matters. And, and I wanna give permission to anyone who's listening today that you know.

[00:17:32] Lissa: Because I didn't have that. I didn't feel like I had permission for a long time. It was always about, you know, what does my husband need because he's coming or going, what do my kids need? What does my, what do you know my next door neighbors need? What does, you know, my community need? Things like that.

[00:17:45] Lissa: Like it's not selfish to push pause and say, what do I need? You know, and look at those deep areas and say, what is it in my life that right now, if I gave attention to, would make a difference? And, and then to, you know, once you, you first have to identify that thing because if you don't, your time will just get sucked up with whatever.

[00:18:06] Lissa: I mean, the same thing happens, you know with, with our money, if we're not intentional about where it's going, you know? Yeah. You, you get that. You look at your bank account and you're like, oh, okay, well, somewhere, Right. And so the same thing with our time. We have to identify what is it that matters, and then, you know, it can even be small, you know?

[00:18:24] Lissa: So I love to implement what I call the two minute rule, right? Mm-hmm. Like anyone and anyone listening to me right now can find two minutes if something matters. So, Right. Mm-hmm. So yeah, maybe you'd love to go do the two hour workout, but what if you could do two minutes of, you know, sit up some pushups and you know, lunches or something like that?

[00:18:40] Lissa: Mm-hmm. Like guaranteed if you do a little bit consistently over time mm-hmm. You'll start building momentum and it will become easier to find the time for, you know, the bigger chunks. , so I think when we just give ourselves the excuse of, well, I don't have time, well, I do have two minutes, , so apply the two minute rule to something that you think is important.

[00:19:02] Lissa: So I have this friend get this, she decided she was gonna walk. She, she picked six minutes, so she said she was gonna walk for six minutes every single day. No uses. She lives in Colorado, so yeah, they have weather, right? Like it winter is definitely, it's a thing. Things like that. She thing she, the last time after her is over.

[00:19:23] Lissa: 2000 days in a row that she has walked for six minutes. Wow. Like, and that was through Covid and Winter and a trip to Europe and you know, all these different things in her family. Like, she's like six minutes. Like I could do that no matter where. I was like, I literally had no excuse. And I just love the idea of like, Starting small and then letting it have that compound effect.

[00:19:47] Lissa: So whether it's two minutes or six minutes or whatever mm-hmm. Identify what is that one thing that does matter. And stop saying one day I'm gonna get, some day I'm gonna get to it. Or when I have time I will. Because it's never just gonna drop in your lap. Mm-hmm. And just go, okay, I'm, I'm doing two. Right.

[00:20:04] Lissa: And then just, and feel good about that. Don't go. Oh, well it should have been five, it should have been 10. Yeah. .

[00:20:11] . 

[00:20:11] Alison: What's interesting to me in, in what you were just saying is I feel like, and this isn't just in the military spouse community, I think this is kind of female wide, is that oftentimes we sacrifice and sacrifice and give and give and give and give and give to everybody because it's in our nature Right.

[00:20:33] Alison: To take care of everybody. Yes. And and then we end up feeling. You know, you're tired and resentful and just kind of empty. Like, I, I don't have anything that's for myself. I'm not doing anything for myself. So I, I think that that is just something that we need to talk about more is that you, we need to take that time and, and think about what it is for you.

[00:20:56] Alison: Like what is it for you that makes you feel better? Is it. Sewing, is it exercising, is it whatever it might be? Reading and making and making that time for yourself and, and so like, And, and then giving yourself permission in those little pockets. So for, for me I really like quiet and I really like reading.

[00:21:18] Alison: And when the kids are home for the summer, it's like chaos in the house all the time. And I don't have it, yes, but they get iPad time every day and it's quiet and they're engaged in that. And I can, I can do other things around the house or. I can sit down with them and pull out my book and enjoy some quiet reading time instead.

[00:21:43] Alison: And it's just kind of making those choices of like, can I leave the kitchen for a little while? Like when the kids are running around I can clean the kitchen or, or do this thing or whatever. The other thing was, can I just do this quiet thing with them right now? And just making those small little choices I think is huge.

[00:22:01] Alison: And then, What you were saying about your friend that's doing six minutes, I think, and we talked about this I did an interview with another middle spouse a few weeks ago back in our PCs series, and we were talking about nutrition and how can we stay on track with, you know, as you're going through a PCs and then just crazy seasons, what can we do?

[00:22:20] Alison: And she was talking about how our brains need that reward of like, you know, if you're a list person like that check Woohoo, you write, you check something off the list and you're like, yeah. Like, it's that, like dopamine hit that you get. Right? And so giving yourself really small, Really small goals.

[00:22:40] Alison: Like I am gonna walk for six minutes every day. Like how that seems like, ugh, that's silly. Like, of course I can walk for six minutes, but will you actually, you know, it should be 30 minutes, but then you're gonna be like, oh, but I don't really have, I can't. And then, and then it all starts in. But if you make that small, like win every day.

[00:22:59] Alison: Then it just grows and grows and grows, and grows, and grows as opposed to, you know, oh no, that's, that's not good enough. I need to make it, I need to make it 30 minutes of walking every day. Or I need to walk at least one mile every day, or whatever it might be. I think that we, again, that reminder of.

[00:23:16] Alison: You know, those small wins are really important in our brains, and we need those wins. Totally. Right? 

[00:23:23] Lissa: Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We, we need those and that those small wins, just like the six minutes or the two minutes or whatever it is, has a compound effect, right? So it means it doesn't just add up. You know, like two plus two plus two plus two, like it has a multiplying effect.

[00:23:37] Lissa: Mm-hmm. Yeah. What the, the results and on how we feel about ourselves. Mm-hmm. I wanna go back to something that you said as well, that I'm really, I, I had to learn this and I'm really talk a lot with women about this. You have to fill up in order to pour out. Mm-hmm. You can want to pour out into all these different places and things in your day, but if you are empty, you have nothing to give.

[00:24:00] Lissa: And I often have women say, and I know I felt the same way, oh my gosh, it's selfish for me to think about me. It's selfish for me to take time for me. It's selfish for me to not be doing something for someone else. And I'm like, but if, if you were at my house and it's the middle of summer right now, right?

[00:24:15] Lissa: Mm-hmm. Like, and it's super hot and you're really thirsty and I really want to give you something to drink. And I grabbed my picture, I. You are holding your cup out and I go to pour and there's nothing in there. Mm-hmm. I feel like that was selfish. I could have filled up that picture before so that way I had something to pour out into you.

[00:24:34] Lissa: And so, Yeah, I think like this, you know, always having to be going and doing is actually depleting us more than we realize. And you know, we actually would save more time by stopping more often, even though we think, no, I'm just gonna push further and faster and, you know, harder and things like that. It really has the opposite effect.

[00:24:53] Alison: Yeah. I, oh my gosh. That is, that is so, so, so true. And it, oh God, it's so hard to do though. You know what I mean? Like it's, there's always, there's always so many things, but you, I love that visual. That's perfect. Cuz we, you hear that all the time. Can't pour from an empty cup. Sure. You, you know, like, that's like, we've heard that all the time.

[00:25:13] Alison: But I love that analogy of the, of the picture in the summer. Like, I don't have anything to give you. And that we need to take that time for ourselves. I think. I think that that's really true. And again, When you give to yourself emotionally like that, It only helps the people that you love, right? Because if you are happier and more content they like, cuz I, I always, I say a lot and it's something that I've been resentful about in the past, is that like, mom tends to be the emotional barometer for the house.

[00:25:43] Alison: So if, if mo, if mommy's in a bad mood, Then everything goes to hell in a hand basket. Right? And it's like, come on, can I not have a bad day? Why does everybody else have to, you know, go off the deep end and start being pissy too? Like, can I just be pissy? What? Like why? And I that bothers me so much. Cause it's like, that's so much pressure on you, right?

[00:26:05] Alison: So like, always be exactly happy and here we go, everything's fine. 

[00:26:09] Lissa: No. And, and that's how we need other people in our lives. Like, you know, whether it's someone else who gets the military part of things, or someone else who just gets the mom part of things, or someone else who gets the whatever, right?

[00:26:21] Lissa: Mm-hmm. But like we were not made to do this alone. And I really believe that's what makes the difference, right? When you have somebody that you can see. Say to them, Hey, here's what I want to prioritize. Here's what I'm wanting to work on. Will you check in with me and ask me about this? You know, that makes a huge difference.

[00:26:39] Lissa: So they say that if you write down what you want to do, you already increase your chances of of actually doing it by 42% just by writing it down. Because otherwise what do we do? We just keep it in our head. It's great intention. It's never anywhere and it doesn't go anywhere. Mm-hmm. Or you remember it 

[00:26:54] two 

[00:26:54] Alison: weeks later.

[00:26:56] Alison: Yes, I wanna do that one thing. 

[00:26:58] Lissa: Yeah. But, but if you actually share it with somebody and give them permission and ask them to like, you know, Hey, ask me about this. , you now increase your chances of up to 72%. And I truly believe that the reason why we don't do the things that we really wanna do, whether in I, I hate the should of woulda coulds, right?

[00:27:20] Lissa: So you know, the things that you want to, that you know, would make a difference, right? Is because we don't have. A system in place. Right. We're trying, like you said, to hold it all in our head with everything else. Mm-hmm. And then we, you know, forget, and two weeks later we're like, oh my gosh, I totally forgot I said that.

[00:27:35] Lissa: Mm-hmm. And we don't have support. We don't have a support system that is like walking alongside of us. People that are a little further down the path. You know, like, this was huge when we were in the military. I would find that wife who's been doing it longer than me and be like, how to do it, you know?

[00:27:51] Lissa: And like, Teach me all your things and tell me where you made mistakes and you know, help show me like, kind of help shorten my learning curve. And so I think that's really key is that if something matters and you want to get intentionally, give it your attention and your time mm-hmm.

[00:28:05] Lissa: You need to have a system, even if it's as simple as, you know, it's gonna be two minutes a day. Mm-hmm. And you need to have support because without those two things, it's really easy to cut corners mm-hmm. To let ourselves off. Quietly quit or never even start. Yeah. But everybody knows right then. Yeah.

[00:28:24] Lissa: We're just same place we were or, mm-hmm. 

[00:28:28] Alison: Yeah, definitely. So then so it, so I mean, you know, to have this plan, okay, I'm gonna do all these things. That's, that's all great. But then how do you stay consistent with that and, and focus on what we, what we say matters. When you have the chaos of the unpredictable lifestyle of, Hey, now we got a PCs coming up, or, oh, he's gotta go on deployment or whatever.

[00:28:50] Alison: How do you keep that consistency when you know, no matter where you are, 

[00:28:55] Lissa: what season you're in? Yeah, well, I think first you have a, you have a vision of that, right? Like you need to know a big picture, what matters, right? Mm-hmm. And where am I going regardless of my circumstances, right around me. That bigger pi, bigger picture is what, you know, kind of keeps us on track.

[00:29:13] Lissa: But then pausing when you have a transition, when you have a T D Y, when you have all of a sudden you're single parenting it again. When you have a transition back to school, when you have. You know, maybe, you know, a promotion or whatever, whatever the transition is that is that signal to, I need to go back to what I say matters and how I, how and where I'm giving attention in this season, because it will look different in different seasons, right?

[00:29:36] Lissa: Mm-hmm. When your kids are a certain age. Things look different. I'm now an empty nester, so things look very different now for me when I don't have kids, I'm, you know, carting around everywhere. Mm-hmm. So, so it's, it is knowing like my, what's my bigger picture? And then, yeah, when those times come, taking some time to pause and say, okay, what is this going to look like in this season?

[00:29:55] Lissa: And maybe that means I'm, I'm having to pull back a little bit because, because you're spending all this time packing up your household or, you know, making this move or whatever, like, Yeah, so maybe I'm not gonna be able to give this as much time as I have been in the past and being okay with that, but how can I still give this some attention?

[00:30:12] Lissa: I'm a huge believer in having a, like a template for what your day, week, and month looks like, because I think that if you don't have some kind of a plan, again, time is a vacuum. It will fill itself with whatever's around. Mm-hmm. And it's. You're in default mode at that point. And so, you know, whether you like a tight ship in a, you know, a strict str structure, schedule, whatever that tells you every 30, you know, minutes or so what you're doing right.

[00:30:39] Lissa: Or whether you just kind of like, like a more of like a, a loose, you know, structure. Sure. Where it's like, okay, this is what my focus is in this time of my day. Because like you said, I shouldn't be checking email 31 times a day. Right? Because that means every time I'm doing, I'm taking away from, and I'm not point finger at you and pointing at me too, right?

[00:30:58] Lissa: Yeah, right. I'm taking time, attention away from what mattered in the moment or what I was going to focus on and things like that, that email. Most things cut in my email are not emergencies. And they could wait. And I've, I've learned to, like, I check email like one time in the morning and one time like late afternoon.

[00:31:15] Lissa: And unless there's some extenuating circumstances beyond that, I'm, it's okay. Right. It's totally okay. And that means those things in between get my full attention every time you are like distracted by something they say that takes your brain 20 minutes to get back on track. Isn't that crazy? It's, I 

[00:31:34] Alison: know, I know.

[00:31:36] Alison: I think about that when I think about working in an office and people, because they, that's one of the things with like one of the bonuses of. Working from home as people are so much more productive, you don't need as much time to do stuff because you're not being interrupted constantly to, oh, I have a, just a quick question, and then again, like you said, it's takes 20 minutes to get your brain back in tune to what you were doing, and by then someone else has popped in your door again.

[00:31:58] Alison: Right. There's another question, something else. Yeah. Somebody needs something. 

[00:32:01] Lissa: Yeah. So one tip that just came to mind as you were talking about that I was thinking about, this works for me as an adult. It also worked when I had kids. I would set a timer. I would put a timer on for what, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 25 minutes and be like, okay, we are doing this until the timer goes off or until it's done right and nothing else happens.

[00:32:17] Lissa: I'm not getting distracted to go switch to the laundry or to go answer this or whatever. We're just so, , maybe it's cleaning up, , the living room or maybe it's. , emptying the dishwasher, or maybe it's checking your email because you have a bazillion, , things in your inbox or whatever it is, just so you can do the same thing, you know, do it with your kids and it helps them focus, but do it for yourself.

[00:32:36] Lissa: Mm-hmm. And just say, okay, for this next, I'm a huge believer in the Pomodoro method. Which this, so this guy had a kitchen timer that looked like a tomato. And so apparently the word for tomato in Italian is Pomodoro. So he would be his pomodoro timer, his little tomato timer for 25 minutes. And then he would just focus on that one task for 25 minutes until either the timer went off or until he was done.

[00:32:59] Lissa: And then you take a five minute break. And then, , again, you're not in and out, you're not like rabbit trails all over the place. Mm-hmm. It's so amazing how you get way more done when you are just saying what matters right now and I'm just gonna give this my focus right now. Yeah, yeah. 

[00:33:14] Alison: Agreed. A hundred percent.

[00:33:16] Alison: You know one of the things that has helped. Me personally a lot with that is that I have like, I don't have a d d, but sometimes I feel like I do in my brain where it's like, oh, I need to, oh, I need to call and change the dog's grooming appointment. Oh, but then, oh shoot, I need to order that. And then, oh, I need, I wanted to do that.

[00:33:34] Alison: And then, oh, I need to change the laundry. And it's like, that's like the day, right? That's like my brain constantly. Yes. And it's exhausting and it takes so much so draining on us mentally, and I don't. Think a lot of times we even realize like, we're just like, oh my God, I'm so tired. But I feel like I didn't really do that much.

[00:33:50] Alison: But it's the mental loads that we carry of the to-do list and all these things and trying to keep track of all the stuff for me, all the stuff for the girls, all the stuff for the dogs and Michael stuff and the, and it's like, oh my God, 

[00:34:02] Lissa: it's, it's too much decision fatigue. It's a real thing. Oh yeah.

[00:34:07] Lissa: Here's I. If you have to do something repeatedly, whether it's a daily thing, a weekly thing, a monthly thing, even every quarter or year, you like, make it part of a routine, , or, or a system, , so I shouldn't have to be remembering every however many months to go get the dog, you know, to the groomers or to, , make sure that, , we clean out the kids' closet or whatever that is like mm-hmm.

[00:34:30] Lissa: What I love saying, let's, let's get rid of to-do lists, right? Cuz it just is a burden and we never get to the bottom of it anyway. And it just keeps getting longer, like, let's be honest, say what things need to happen on a regular basis. And I'm gonna create, you know, some rhythms around them, so it's not, yeah.

[00:34:46] Lissa: I'm not having to hold it in my head all the time. Mm-hmm. It's just, okay, when that time comes, then, oh, I'm sure enough to do this. Right. Mm-hmm. And that really is freeing as I work with, with clients inside the Redeemer Time program to say. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I guess I, I guess I do do that in a pretty regular basis.

[00:35:01] Lissa: So why in the world am I writing my to-do list every day? Well, yeah, let's just make it part of a habit of routine. And that way it just is, it's more on autopilot rather than mm-hmm. I, I try to remember. 

[00:35:13] Alison: Yeah, that's really smart. Because that's, because what I, what I, where I had started, I didn't get to get there, but that's where I started was that as I write stuff down, and it's not necessarily a to-do list, but it's a, just get it outta your brain, like a brain dump.

[00:35:26] Alison: Okay, these are all the things that I was thinking. Yes. And then you can go in and schedule it, and then you can, and then it's outta your brain. So there's that one, and then the other one that was huge for me. Is I had a girlfriend that was like, she has a standing grocery order. Cuz I'm always like, oh, and then I gotta get this.

[00:35:43] Alison: And I, and I'm always like, oh yeah, Savannah said we needed ketchup or whate. And it's, all of that stuff is just sitting in your brain. So I now have a note. On my phone, that's a grocery list. And so whatever someone says, Hey, we need, I just immediately take out my phone, write it down, and then I can let that go.

[00:35:58] Alison: And just the little mental space that that tiny little thing has cleared out, I'm like, okay, now I don't have to keep track of the grocery list mentally in my brain. It's in my phone. Holy cow. It makes, it really does make a big difference. So, okay. So then, so tell us a little bit about the program that you had.

[00:36:15] Alison: You just mentioned it, redeem her time. Tell us a little bit about what that is and, and 

[00:36:18] Lissa: what that looks like. So I've got a couple different ways that, you know, I work with them and the program is a great way to do it because we take 12 weeks and we really look at all eight areas, and we start by not looking at your calendar.

[00:36:31] Lissa: We start by looking at your heart and what really matters, what really matters in this season, and what matters long term.

[00:36:37] Lissa: Go in and make your calendar look all pretty and get all kinds of nice little time blocks that are coded and you know, we've got all our little systems and things like that, and that's great, but when there isn't that bigger picture of where this is taking me, it's really easy for those things to just go right back into the chaos.

[00:36:52] Lissa: Right. That it was. So we dive into the heart first and really having that clarity around where am I going in these eight areas and what are my priorities in this season? Because like, you know, we said you can't do everything all the time, and not everything matters equally. And not everything matters equally right now.

[00:37:06] Lissa: Mm-hmm. And that's okay. And so we dive into that first, and then we get into your calendar and we look at, we do a, you know, a deep dive time audit. Like where really is your time going? Like, let's be honest here. Mm-hmm. Kinda like if you do a food, we do a time diary. Right. It's really interesting what you've discover.

[00:37:23] Lissa: And then we start going, okay, now what do I want this to look like? And we build out an ideal time template, right? And we say, what are those priorities I already identified and where am I going to? Like play, create space for them instead of just having them be on this. I hope I get to it sometime this week.

[00:37:38] Lissa: Right. That doesn't ever work. Mm-hmm. You know, we, we get really intentional about it and then we keep tweaking and testing and trying and things like that. And then we talk about distractions like we talked about earlier, right? Yeah. The external ones and the internal ones. Cause the internal ones are sometimes just as loud as the external ones.

[00:37:52] Lissa: And then we talk about like, how can. Implement tools that are gonna keep us growing and help us to, you know, that compound effect in the positive direction to, to really see that growth. Mm-hmm. And it's just really a cool experience to, to feel like, know where I'm going and I know what, you know, like where I'm showing up and what.

[00:38:10] Lissa: What matters in, in that time and not feeling like, yeah, I'm just scattered and time is going everywhere. So but I do offer a free, just find the time coaching call as a way to just kind of hop in and start that question. Mm-hmm. Time blank, right? And now you're just start taking steps so that you can, you know, start identifying what matters and how can I just take a baby step towards moving, towards making time for that.

[00:38:35] Lissa: So, Okay, 

[00:38:36] Alison: cool. So you also mentioned previously that you have a podcast. So tell us all the ways that we can get in touch with you more, hear more about what you have. 

[00:38:46] Lissa: So a few free resources for someone who wants to be intentional with her time.

[00:38:51] Lissa: You can find everything@redeemhertime.com. I have a podcast called Redeem Her Time. There is a free community where you can have conversations with others who are also working on this as well. And I offer a free five minute find the time call. Where we dive into that audit question and start finding some small wins with your time.

[00:39:17] Lissa: So head over to redeem her time.com and I have a free gift on the website as well when you're there. So make sure that you grab the five minute guide. Perfect. 

[00:39:29] Alison: Thank you for your time. I appreciate you being here.