Military Balls: Traditions, Etiquette, and where to find a dress without breaking the bank

[00:00:00] Alison: Hello, hello, and welcome back to the show. Today we're going to be talking about military balls because tis the season. I had actually never been to a military ball 22 years as a military spouse, never been to a military ball until this past weekend was my first one. And we have a we're going to the Marine Corps ball as well in November.

[00:00:23] Alison: And so I thought I would do an episode. We did an episode a while back on command functions, and we kind of touched a little bit on military balls, but this is going to be a little bit of a deeper dive on. Why do we have military balls in the first place? What's the history? What's the significance of them?

[00:00:41] Alison: The kind of outline and overall schedule of events for four balls. I had no idea that the first hour is a, Quote unquote reception and like happy hour thing. I thought you walk in and it starts right away.

[00:00:59] Alison: No, that's not what happened. So the night was a little longer than we thought it was going to be. And then the last thing we're going to touch on, we'll touch a little bit on on etiquette at the, at Balls. And then the last thing that we're going to touch on Because I've seen a lot of people asking about it is where are we getting dresses?

[00:01:21] Alison: Right. We don't want to spend a ton of money or any at all. And so we're going to go through some resources on that. Okay. So first things first is why do we have military balls? What is the significance? What's the history? So just again, brief overview. The military balls are really rooted in European tradition from way back when. Armies would throw fancy parties to celebrate victories or to honor fallen soldiers. Okay. And then when the U.

[00:01:53] Alison: S. started developing its own military traditions, the formal gatherings just became part of the culture, especially at places like West Point. So they, they started off as a way for officers to practice etiquette and accomplish, you know, celebrate accomplishments. And then it's just kind of stuck around.

[00:02:12] Alison: It really, military balls really took off after World War II. One and two, they became more than just, you know, the parties, they became a real morale booster for troops and a way for civilians to show support. And then over time, each branch made balls their own, right? So the Marine Corps birthday ball.

[00:02:36] Alison: Which honors the founding in 1775 is November, I think it's November 10th. So that ball usually falls around that time, and a lot of them, the Navy ball is the same, happens around, is a celebration around the birthday of that branch of service. So today they are, you know, all branches of service have them and they often include now families and civilians, even some at some of them, it used to be just for the guys or for the military member, but now obviously spouses and whatnot come as well.

[00:03:09] Alison: So there, you know, a chance to dress up, hopefully eat some good food, if you go to a good place and then, you recognize the Sacrifices made by both the service members and their families. And these events are, you know, steeped in ceremony, right? There's toasts and presentation of colors and sometimes there's cake cutting ceremonies and it's just, you know, giving everyone a sense of connection to the history and the legacy of their branch.

[00:03:41] Alison: So it's really honoring tradition, celebrating achievements, and just, you know, fostering that. unity, that unit cohesion. And yeah, they're all just a little bit unique depending on the branch of service. Okay. So what can you expect as you go into into these events? Okay. So the evening starts with a social hour.

[00:04:08] Alison: So if it's like, Hey, it starts at six o'clock. Yeah. From six to seven is going to be drinks and finding your table. And then the ceremonial will start at seven if it's at six. So it starts an hour later. So if you are, you have a little bit of a grace window there for arrival. And you know, but it's, again, it's supposed to be, the point of these is to spend time with your unit and family members and other spouses and just be able to connect outside of work.

[00:04:47] Alison: It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be, you know, a morale booster, a chance to, you know, kind of get to know each other a little bit and I know that it can be very stressful if you are not the social butterfly. And you know, we can, there's definitely some awkward moments as you're trying to have the, , little polite chit chat with other people, but we're going to get into a couple little, a couple of tips for that after that.

[00:05:16] Alison: Okay. So after the social hour, there's a formal ceremony. And again, depending on the branch of service, it's going to look a little bit different. But that part includes the presentation of colors, sometimes a guest speaker toasts. And so in that there's usually traditions.

[00:05:36] Alison: Okay, so you just want to be mindful of that formal ceremony part. There's usually traditions involved like toasts to the fallen or moments of silence. And this is a time of respect, reverence. So just kind of, you know, follow along with the crowd, but just be mindful that there are moments, especially at the beginning that you really need to be very respectful of the traditions that are being practiced at that time.

[00:06:06] Alison: So once the all of that formal stuff is kind of done, then dinner is served and then it's party time after that dancing and whatever else. Just, you know, let loose. Enjoy yourself. But again, be mindful to stay respectful. So this is like, okay, so the biggest thing that I would say is to number one is be yourself, right?

[00:06:31] Alison: Just be yourself. And then number two is be very mindful that this is essentially a work function for your spouse and you want to make sure that you are carrying yourself with that in mind, right? So we're not going to show up to the event, three sheets to the wind. We're going to be mindful of how much we are drinking at the event so that we're not embarrassing ourselves.

[00:07:02] Alison: and that goes for what you're wearing as well. A good rule of thumb is if you have to ask, is this too much? Then the answer is yes. Okay. So just think this is a work function for your spouse and you want to rep, you are representing your spouse. And so you want to make sure that you are doing that with respect.

[00:07:22] Alison: And so think about you're going to be meeting probably your spouse's boss. And so again, You want to make sure that you are being respectful and especially trying, you know, trying to be all politically correct and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But we're just going to like break it down. Right. Like, don't just be respectful.

[00:07:45] Alison: Right. There's so much of our military and, and the whole, there is so much protocol and, hierarchy and things like that in the military. That's part of what makes the military work. And we want to make sure that we as the spouse are also honoring that. So just, you know, be mindful of those things.

[00:08:09] Alison: Okay, so that's kind of what to expect from the event. So the second part is what do we wear to these things? There's a couple of things that you can do to find a dress. First things first is that you need to know if it is a if the attire is cocktail or if it's formal. For example, the khaki ball is cocktail and so that you don't have to wear like the full length, you know, floor length gowns and things like that.

[00:08:42] Alison: It's just a little bit less formal, still dressed up, but not, you know, you can wear a little bit of a shorter dress, things like that. And then events like the Marine Corps ball is formal. So you are in like your best, right? Formal gown, floor length, all the things. But again, a lot of people will come to the khaki ball with.

[00:09:05] Alison: With a formal style dress. You'll see a little bit of everything, but just know that you don't have to go all the way formal for events like that. So just, you know, look at, usually when you're invited to one of these things, you will see, it will say on the invitation what the dress is, what the dress is for the military member, and then what the dress is for the for the significant other that might be coming with.

[00:09:28] Alison: Ideas for getting dresses, because if you go to a lot of these things, then you're not going to want to buy a new dress every single time you go because Okay, you're going to probably go if you go to quite a few of them while you're in the same command, you don't want to wear the same dress, right?

[00:09:47] Alison: Because you're going to be seeing the same people. So recycling your dress, you can recycle your dress from like duty station to duty station. But if you're at one duty station for 234 years, You're not going to want to wear the same dress every time you go. There's a couple ideas. Okay. Number one is rent the runway.

[00:10:04] Alison: I'm going to be honest. I have not used it yet. I looked, I got on their app, but I did I found two dresses at Macy's. They, I think they've got all their homecoming stuff out right now. I don't know, but there's a ton of dresses and I didn't spend a lot of money. So That's what I personally, what I just did this last time, but I did a lot of people have recommended rent the runway.

[00:10:26] Alison: So that's all online that you can do is, is so essentially what it is, is you're renting designer dresses for a fraction of the retail price and then they have different rental periods. So you can get it for four days, you can get it for seven days and then they offer a military discount as well.

[00:10:43] Alison: So, Make sure you look for that. Another one for dress rentals is you can go to local bridal shops. So a lot of bridal shops also rent out evening gowns. So it's worth checking if there are any local places around your base that offer rentals. Not everyone's going to have it, but some military bases have lending closets where you can borrow formal wear, including dresses for, for free, or maybe a small fee. So reach out to your basis family support center or spouse groups to find out what's available. The second option is thrift or consignment store.

[00:11:18] Alison: So Goodwill Salvation Army, they can, I mean, seriously be a goldmine for finding formal dresses at really low prices and just, it's kind of one of those things where you have to check regularly, but a lot of people, right, you're moving and you're like, Nope, not going to need this anymore. And you can find a lot of really good stuff.

[00:11:34] Alison: If you have, If you have the patience to, to, you know, search the racks, that's a good choice. Also consignment stores tend to have higher end items. And so you can find some really pretty dresses for much less than what you would have at retail. And then A tip is to look for consignment stores and more upscale areas for better options, especially if you're looking for formal dresses.

[00:12:00] Alison: And then you can look online at thrift stores like thread up posh mark to look at secondhand dresses that way. And, and what's nice about those is that you can search by size color style, you know, making it easier to find something that you might like. The other couple more options that we have are Facebook marketplace or local buy, sell and trade groups.

[00:12:21] Alison: , a lot of spouses post that stuff on Facebook marketplace. They're looking there, they've worn them once and they're trying to sell it at a really good price. Some military spouse pages have face, you know, Facebook groups where you can Ask if anyone has a formal dress to sell or to lend.

[00:12:36] Alison: And you know, it's a great way to just connect with other people and maybe someone else has a creative solution for you then there are, I've never seen this before, but I know that it's, it's out there. Our spouse dress swaps, which I think would be, that's a really good idea. So some bases or spouse groups organized dress swaps where you bring a dress you've worn before, trade it for something that is new to you.

[00:13:00] Alison: Is a great way to find a dress without spending anything. That's a really good idea. I feel like I'm gonna I'm gonna look into that and see if that's something that we can do here because I know There are a lot of different balls that happen here. So I know that there's definitely a need for dresses.

[00:13:16] Alison: So I might see if we can if there's something like that here in Washington. And then the other one for that is called the Cinderella project or operation deploy your dress. They are nonprofits that offer free formal dresses to military families. Operation Deploy Your Dress has pop up shops at certain bases so you can check their website or social media to see if they will be near you.

[00:13:41] Alison: I will link to that in the show notes. And then online stores, Lulu's, ASOS, or Nordstrom Rack have a really wide selection of pretty budget friendly dresses. Amazon, there were a lot of people, cause I, I've seen people in my local spouse page. They're like, Oh my gosh, what are you doing for dresses?

[00:14:02] Alison: And quite a few people were like, I found something great on Amazon. And sometimes they're, they, you can get them cheap. They're nice and they're not very expensive. So yeah. And then if you can plan ahead, shop during prom season or, you know, their sales after prom season is over and you can, , find dresses that are marked down significantly after the event, event, if you are handy.

[00:14:30] Alison: Then you can, , D. I. Y. Or upcycle. , if you're crafty or you know someone who sows, you can buy a very simple dress from a thrift store and then add your own flair, right? So if you get a dress that's got good fabric and it fits well, you can add, you know, lace or sequins or a belt or different things like that.

[00:14:52] Alison: You can alter a dress that you already own. You could have it altered or restyled and then, you know, sometimes it's, it's impressive what seamstresses can do to change a neckline or a hem or maybe add a new element or refresh a look. So that's something to think about too.

[00:15:14] Alison: Retail apps like Honey. and retail me not you can find coupon codes for stores like Macy's and things like that. And then, you know, extra sale or discounts on top of sale prices can be helpful. And then end of season sales again, like we were talking about before, like Macy's, , JC Penney, things like that.

[00:15:35] Alison: End of season sales where you can get those formal dresses at a big discount. So it's just, timing of that. And then also the holidays are coming up, right? So check those clearance racks, especially after holiday seasons. And then the last tip is reach out to friends or family who might have formal dresses that they might be willing to lend you.

[00:15:55] Alison: Especially if you have friends who have attended military balls or similar events in the past. There's a lot of options that you have for for finding some dresses. Okay. So then, all right, so then let's touch a little bit on etiquette. Each military ball has their own unique etiquette and tradition.

[00:16:17] Alison: If you're new, then it's, , it's nice to know what's expected. Like the first hour is cocktail hour. So I'm thinking we're going to walk in and they're gonna do the ceremony and then we're going to be eating within whatever. There's an hour of cocktails, and then they do The presentation of the colors and the speeches and all of that stuff.

[00:16:37] Alison: And then they serve dinner. So we actually, the event, we thought it started at 6. We were not getting our dinner until 7. 40. So and if you, yeah. So if you're thinking you're eating like right now. away. It's, it's a little bit tabbed. So that's a good tip that I've heard other people say too is do not go to military balls hungry.

[00:16:58] Alison: Don't make sure that you've eaten well beforehand, because again, depending on the specific traditions and formalities that your event has, it could be a little bit before you get a meal. Etiquette, you are going to stand when the colors are presented with a national anthem plays. You stand up and place your hand over your heart, they're going to tell you to do that.

[00:17:22] Alison: You don't have to, you know, know to do that on your own. They're, they're pretty, my experience has been, , please stand for the presentation of colors and for the national anthem. Please raise your glass for honoring our fallen heroes. You know, you, you're given prompts for these things. And then also you can read the room, right?

[00:17:42] Alison: If everybody else is doing it, you probably should do it too. If everybody is standing, you should probably stand. If everybody's sitting down, you should probably sit down. Formal toast during dinner, you might see toast, you might have them beforehand. So the, the ball that we were just at, everything was done before.

[00:17:57] Alison: And then dinner was just kind of a hanging out around your table. If you're, given a glass, join in. You do not, it doesn't have to be alcohol. We all had had water. Actually, they specifically said water, raise your glass of water to honor the fallen. As we were talking about the table that's left left alone.

[00:18:18] Alison: And so they were, you know, you don't have to drink alcohol if you don't want to drink alcohol. And then just showing respect for ranks. So during conversations you might be introduced to higher ranking officers. It's polite to acknowledge their rank and address them as sir or ma'am. A really great cue for this is listen to what your spouse says.

[00:18:41] Alison: If your spouse is like, yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Then you should probably address them the same way. It, you don't have to be obnoxious about it though. And really drive that in. It's just, again, it's about being respectful. Okay. And then, and then keeping in mind that you don't have to be overly formal once the evening moves into, like, the dance part, right?

[00:19:06] Alison: All the formal stuff is over, you've had your meal, everything, everybody's kind of like cut and loose. It's very, a lot less of that formal. It's, really in that beginning social hour and kind of the dinner, maybe as you talk about walking around and things like that. you, that would be where you would want to just kind of pay attention to how your significant other, your service member is addressing the person that you're speaking to.

[00:19:30] Alison: If they are saying, sir, ma'am, then you should do the same thing. Okay, so socializing tips. These can be very intimidating because you're going to walk into a room full of people that you potentially don't know at all, which was the case with me. I, I've really found, I used to be petrified. Oh my gosh.

[00:19:58] Alison: I remember, I remember Michael's, his very first ship that, when we were married his very first ship and we went to the Christmas party and it was fancy. Like we wore, it was cocktail. It wasn't like formal dresses, but cocktail. And I remember walking into that saying to Michael, do not leave me because I, I didn't know anybody and I was young.

[00:20:20] Alison: God, I was like 22 and just Yeah, just so nervous and not comfortable and now I feel like I'm just a lot more comfortable in my skin and I feel like that's something that just comes with age. You know, I really like to kind of sit back and people watch and so these types of events are awesome for for that.

[00:20:45] Alison: It's really it's really fun to sit back and watch people sometimes, you know what I mean? Okay, so. Compliments are a great icebreaker. Oh, I love your dress. Where did you get it? Really simple. You can ask about their connection to the military. You know, what branch of service is your spouse in? Which of course if you're at a Marine Corps ball or you're at the sub ball, I think you're going to know what branch of service they are.

[00:21:12] Alison: But one of my favorite things is how long have you been here for? What is your favorite? What has been your favorite thing that you've done here so far? Those are great ways to get a conversation started with somebody. And also. Get some tips, add to your bucket list for whatever duty station you happen to be at that time.

[00:21:32] Alison: So that's one of my favorite things to do. And I just, I like to be a listener, right? So really asking thoughtful questions when someone is talking to you and just again, just, Be yourself. Try not to be, I don't know, if you're really a more laid back, chill kind of person, then be that way. You don't, you don't, I mean, you don't have to, you know, button yourself all up and be all stuffy.

[00:21:57] Alison: That's not, you know, again, be yourself. Okay. Keep your topics light though, right? So the military community, the small, so we want to do your best to avoid gossip and probably don't talk about politics. Those are. That's a pretty good rule of thumb, but that's gonna be pretty much anywhere, right?

[00:22:18] Alison: Don't talk about politics. Again, my favorites. How long have you been here for? What is your favorite thing that you've done here so far? Those are my favorites. Okay. Be mindful of alcohol consumption. Usually with your ticket, you will get one or two drink coupons, right? So there's already, you know, that gets the kind of the ball rolling.

[00:22:37] Alison: And then there's just, there's a lot of drinking that happens at these things. There's, there's a lot of pre partying that happens with these events as well. So just, you know, Be mindful. It's, it's fine to enjoy yourself, but pace yourself. , you don't want to be that person that everyone remembers for the wrong reasons.

[00:22:59] Alison: A couple of tips for handling nervousness and anxiety. There's, you know, I mean, it's, it's very normal and natural to feel nervous, especially if it's your first ball or you don't know anyone. A couple of tips is if you arrive a little early, You can kind of settle in before the room gets really crowded because they tend to be very crowded events.

[00:23:26] Alison: And if you walk in and there's just people everywhere, that can be very, very overwhelming. So it might be nice to get there just a little bit early, get your bearings, find out where you're going to sit, kind of get your stuff situated, maybe get a cocktail to help bring it up. take off the edge of the nerves a little bit if that works for you.

[00:23:45] Alison: If you know someone else that's going to be attending, arrange to meet beforehand so that you can walk in together or kind of stick together. That, that helps a lot. And then take breaks. You know, if you feel overwhelmed, you can excuse yourself, go for a quick walk, step outside for some fresh air, whatever.

[00:24:03] Alison: And then just, you know, smile, make eye contact and just remember that everyone is there To have a good time. Okay. All right. So closing up , just enjoy the moment, take pictures, right? You probably don't get dressed up that often. If you're like me, I'm always in my workout clothes. , , be respectful during the formal portions of the evening and, you know, don't worry so much about quote unquote, getting it right. Just everyone is new to this at some point and. , it's fine. It's going to be fine. , you're supposed to have fun. They're supposed to be fun. So just relax.

[00:24:45] Alison: And you know, it's a night for you as well. You can look at it as, Hey, it's a date night for you and your spouse, which you probably don't. Most of us don't get very many of those. So try to enjoy it as best you can. Yeah, that's it. Okay. Have fun at your next ball.