Navigating Command Functions as a Military Spouse

[00:00:00] Alison: Hello, hello. And welcome back to the show. Today, we are going to be talking about military functions because tis the season, right? There's, well, we actually just went through, not that long ago, a lot of the balls, right? Like the Marine Corps ball and the Air Force ball. I've never been to one. 22 years, 22 years, I've been a Navy spouse and we've never been to a ball of any kind.

[00:00:29] Alison: So , maybe you won't go to one either, but you may be going to holiday parties for your significant other's unit, squadron, whatever, ship, command. I don't know. There's, it's hard when you're talking to like multiple branches of service, cause I'm not a hundred percent how to address everybody.

[00:00:53] Alison: I just wanted to do a, a quick little episode on behavior, how to act. Maybe you're a new military spouse and , what to expect. Oh my gosh, I'm so intimidated. Whatever. I don't know what, whatever, however you might be feeling. So let's just talk about a few of the things.

[00:01:10] Alison: So I think it kind of depends on the, importance of the event as to what the etiquette might be, right? So if you're going to be going to a military ball, for example, there's a lot of it's a very formal event, right? All of the military personnel are in their dress uniforms. If you're a spouse, if you're a male spouse, you're going to be in a, a nice suit or tuxedo and the ladies are going to be in like formal attire.

[00:01:46] Alison: So, and then in those in that event there's a lot of tradition, right? Everybody's in their uniforms. And so we want to be very mindful about proper etiquette as far as addressing people, addressing them by their titles, , captain, general, whatever the case might be. Just, , using 

[00:02:08] Alison: proper titles and ranks when addressing military personnel. And then a lot of times at those, , super fancy ones, there's a seating arrangement. And a lot of times it's organized by, , rank or protocol or whatever. And there's usually instructions on, on how to, how to navigate that. So just again, being mindful of that and trying to go into it with a mindset of, how can I meeting new people, networking, building connections, things like that. 

[00:02:35] Alison: And then, making sure to participate in any of the traditional military ball formalities , dancing and cake cutting and things like that. Just, , trying to be part of that, be a part of that stuff. And then if you are attending a less formal event, let's say like you're going to a holiday party for, you know, the squadron or the command or whatever.

[00:03:04] Alison: Some of the things to think about for that. First of all, I want to blanket it with. Relax and have a good time. And most everybody that's there also wants to relax and have a good time. And they're probably a little bit nervous too and feeling a little awkward. And am I doing the right thing?

[00:03:21] Alison: Is this okay? Just give yourself grace in that, in that space to not be really hard on yourself, like try and have a good time, right? Okay. So things to think about for both a military ball or if you're going to like a holiday party or something like that is be on time.

[00:03:40] Alison: That's important. Military personnel really try hard. Like that, like being punctual is, is very important. What we did, we had, was it Chelsea that, yeah, it was, it was Chelsea that came on a while ago that was saying if you weren't 15 minutes early, then you relate. So there's a lot of that. So being, being on time is, is important.

[00:04:03] Alison: So try really hard to be on time to those functions. As far as what you wear I think be respectful in that you are a representation of your spouse. And so holding yourself in high standard, as far as that's concerned But at the same time, be comfortable and be yourself. So, if you tend to dress a little bit more provocatively and that feels good for you, then do that.

[00:04:35] Alison: If you're super conservative, then do that. Like it's, just be, this is the most important thing. The most important thing is to be comfortable. So, if you, whatever you want to do. So, for me, when we go to holiday parties, like they're not super fancy, I'm wearing pants. I pretty much live in workout gear all the time.

[00:04:58] Alison: So if I don't have to wear a dress, like we're not going to a ball, right? It's a holiday party. Ah, pants. I'm wearing pants. I'll wear nice pants. I won't wear jeans. I'll wear Like black pants or something, but I'm wearing pants. And like maybe a nice shirt Whatever like just dress be comfortable. That's the most important thing and that's the same So like if you're more comfortable in pants than you are in a dress Wear pants.

[00:05:24] Alison: If you're more comfortable in like a flat or a boot or something instead of stilettos, then do that. Or if you're, if you love rocking a super high heel and you feel good in that, then do that. Whatever you are comfortable in, that's what you want to do. Because if you are feeling super awkward and self conscious, then you're not going to be able to enjoy yourself and have a good time.

[00:05:48] Alison: So dress for comfort. Okay. All right. And then. Another thing to keep in mind when you're at these functions is there a lot of times is alcohol served and just again, enjoy yourself, but don't over enjoy yourself. So maybe have a drink or two and not get completely intoxicated. So just kind of, you know, take it easy on that front.

[00:06:16] Alison: And then. Try to go. And I know this is, this is really, really hard because I remember, oh my gosh, I remember going with Michael to, it was the first ship function that we had after they'd come home from deployment. I think it was a holiday party actually. And and I, and I knew some of the other wives from the deployment, right?

[00:06:39] Alison: I'd gotten to be friends with them, friendly, whatever. And I was still going into this, This party terrified and I remember saying to Michael do not leave me I was I was so terrified to , I'm just like, don't hate me by myself. And of course he's like, Oh, hang on. I'll be right back. I'm just going to go say hi to somebody.

[00:07:00] Alison: And then he's like 10 minutes talking to us. And I'm standing there by myself, twiddling my thumbs. So, so far self conscious and so awkward and just really, really uncomfortable. And in that situation now, I think it just comes with, , with age and maturity is that you just get more comfortable in your own skin and I am happy to sit back and people watch now.

[00:07:23] Alison: So if he's gonna go chit chat with somebody I mean I'm happy to just chill and take it all in and but another thing to think about too is just have that open. Demeanor, you know, you're making eye contact with people, you have a pleasant look on your face, which for some of us, like myself, who do not always have a pleasant look on your face or wear your emotions on your face, it's okay.

[00:07:53] Alison: It's don't put your too much pressure on yourself, but just try to be open and try to try to have a good time as best you can and enjoy maybe it's a night out finally without your kids. And so enjoy that time with your significant other. And again, , this lifestyle is often really lonely and isolating and this is a great opportunity to meet other spouses, to make connections, to just have conversations with other adults if you're home with kids all the time.

[00:08:27] Alison: That's a great thing. So, moral of the story, be comfortable, be yourself, don't... Get drunk. Okay, I think that's it. I think that's it. Those are the big guys. Alright, so short, short and sweet. Just again, try to... give yourself some grace and don't put too much pressure on yourself to, Oh my gosh, I've got to, and I've got to use this fork and then I've got to do this.

[00:08:57] Alison: And then no, it's nobody's paying attention to that stuff. I promise no one's paying attention to that stuff. Just try to enjoy yourself, be respectful to, you know, senior leadership that may be there. And again, remembering that you are a representation of your spouse while you're there. So just, you know, carry yourself with dignity and respect and it's all good.

[00:09:15] Alison: All right. Until next time.